Today's thought

I was dealing with some bad checks today at work, and it occured to me how absurd checks really are. The idea behind them, viewed from a 21st century perspective, just seems ridiculous. Imagine what it would be like when the inventor of the check was trying to pitch his idea to potential clients......

Inventor: So basically what I would do is hand you a piece of paper in exchange for something.
Client: Is the paper worth anything?
Inventor: No.
Client: So why do I give you goods in exchange for it?
Inventor: Well, you can take this piece of paper to the bank and you might get money in exchange for it.
Client: What do you mean, might?
Inventor: Well, there's a chance that there is no money to be had from this piece of paper.
Client: And I don't find out if there is or not until after I give you the goods?
Inventor: Well, yes. But I'm sure no one would ever abuse this.
Client: And you want to base a large portion of the American economy on this?
Inventor: Yes.
Client:..............

Maybe in a bygone era when the honor system worked and people still left bowls of candy that said "take one" for Trick or Treat this would be acceptable. But nowadays checks just strike me as an ineffecient relic of a bygone era.
It has been argued that US currency is essentially a check from the government, a "promissory note," or whatever. I accept this as true, but even an idiot would trust a promissory note from the United States Treasury over a promissory note from Keyantre Nunn or David Doperalski.

calling from the quads

Well I'm back in Carbondale and now with the internet...yay! So like most of you I had high hopes for this new semester but that all faded away all too quickly. For starters I went recently out to a bar with my roommates to wish another friend a fond fairwell as she is now Teaching at a university in Japan. When it came time to leave one of my roommates wanted to get more liquor and me and my other roommate and his girlfriend waited outside. We were then approached by two guys that were also leaving the bar. As they passed by the larger of the two (probably 6 inches taller then me) pointed at my friends girlfriend and said, "I want to get on you". Now she's Japanese and doesn't understand much English but regardless this was incredibly rude so the following dialog happened. Here's some references: Me = me, Jason = roommate (with girlfriend), Yoko = Jason's girlfriend, James = roommate (in liquor store), DM1 = drunk man 1 (larger one), DM2 = drunk man 2

DM1: I want to get on you
me: Go the fuck home
DM1: What did you say?
me: I said get the fuck out of here and go home
*DM1 starts to walk away*'
DM2: You better fucking apologize
me: Go fuck yourself
*DM1 turns back around and gets kissably close to my face *blush**
DM1: What did you fucking say?
me: First of all I wasn't talking to you I was talking to your dumbass friend and I told him to go fuck himself
DM2: You better fucking apologize or he's gonna fucking destroy you

The next couple of minutes was just a staring competition but it felt like something could have gone down at any point.

DM1: You're fucking lucky I've got like 13 bouncers after me or you'd be dead
*both DM1 and DM2 walk away*

After they were gone I turned around and saw that there was only 1 bouncer and he was like 2 or 3 stores down. This was the closest I have ever been to being in a drunken bar fight so it was scary but also exciting at the same time.

Theres been a trend I've noticed recently, I get extremely pissed off when people do inconciderate rude things when I'm drunk. The first time I noticed this was with Bill. We were at the Lights and Bill went to go ash his cigerette in an ashtray when the guy next to us grabbed his hand and told him no. I was so pissed off that I wanted to jump over the table and punch this guy in the face. Another also happened down in Carbondale. I was drinking with some friends when some new guys came in the bar and walked right infront of one of my friend and started talking to someone else. My friend had to move because it was that uncomfortable closeness that no one likes. So I went up right behind this guy and screamed in his ear, "Thats so FUCKING RUDE". Wait what was this post about again....

Oh yeah, this semester I'm taking 7 classes and the hardest one is being taught by a chinese lady that can't speak good English....speak English well....unspucked Englishing....anyways so to avoid any headaches I'm just gonna drop the class. Accounting blows anyways.

On the plus side I saw a paraplegic use the urinal the other day. He had to blow in a fucking tube to make his wheelchair move to an upright position. I wanted to watch him more and even get a closer view to see how the hell he was going to accomplish this amazing feat, but I was probably watching him too much as it was. I should buy that man a drink, he deserves it.

I got the Working Man's Blues

With the pants to match and the receipt to prove it.

I asked a coworker to take this picture of me so I could get his email address for organizing purposes. My plan fell through because he sent it to me from his phone, which the company gave him. All I got was his phone number, which I already had.



Behind me is Max 7. It's the only machine I know how to operate. that makes 1 out of 7. I know much more about it than I let on to the bosses.

It is my opinion that before anyone goes for a degree in liberal studies, that he or she should work a few months in manufacturing. Otherwise, everything you read is just hearsay.

Speaking of hearsay, the term came about during the trial of my favorite "pirate," Sir Walter Raleigh. Had I some manufacturing behind me, I would have been more productive when I learned that.


And go buy the new Bob Dylan abulm, Modern Times. I camped out for it. Really, at Caribou, I wasted my time till 9 until Best Buy opened. Then I found out Best Buy opens at 10 so I went to my aunt and uncle's place, had an English Ale and talked about Unions.

MOUNTJOY FOR SENATE

Yes. Dick Mountjoy for Senate. Get your snickers and innuendos here. "Dick Mountjoy is a no-nonsense conservative Republican who believes in God, Country and Family in that order." So, I don't understand why a man of "his caliber" would resort to this type of campaign tomfoolery. He appears to be quite the conservative Republican almost next to God himself. Was Richard to formal or not friendly enough? Or is he trying to be clever and continue to keep his name as a tool to utilize the younger and dumber voters? "Yes. Let's vote this guy in just so we can giggle at the sight of his name on a bumper sticker." Let's make a mockery of the system. It's like the time in eighth grade when we voted the kid with the monkey heart into the student council presidency. Of course he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but we did it because no one cared about politics in school with its extra 20 minute lunch promises and less homework agendas. Maybe thats exactly what today's politics are and have always been about. I'm so tired of these stagnant issues never evolving (opps sorry!) I just want to declare a UNIVERSAL plea. If you don't believe in it or don't want to participate-don't. Let those who do do and be done with it. Nothing will ever get accomplished trying to please the majority (or those with the most bank). Thanks for nothing Dick.
www.mountjoyfor senate.com

Doomlazer loves you, why don't you love doomlazer?

If any of you use google's personalized homepage feature, you can keep tabs on doomlazer without loading the actual page! Go to add content, near the top center of the page there's a link to "Add by URL". Enter doomlazer.blogspot.com/atom.xml into the box and you're ready to go! Yes, this is a lame ass excuse for a post.. but I was really happy about this.

sloppy seconds...

disclaimer: i wasn't sure how appropriate it would be to post the same blog here and on myspace but andy! did it, so i guess it is okay. i will try to refrain from this in the future and be more original instead.

so i'm back in school after a two week respite.

during my two weeks i had the pleasure of my own birthday and it was different this year. it was good, just different. although, the one thing that was the same was that kurt and i went to the renn faire, that was perfect as usual. i was also given a very wonderful birthday gift in the form of an evening with jen and dave, the reigning queen and king of libertyville. the most significant material gift i recieved was the compact oxford english dictionary. i love it, it is fucking crazy. it has a manual that is fifty pages long about how to use it. also during the two week break i went to the zoo with kurt and it made me feel weird. we went and saw a movie (dead man's chest) and that was pleasant. we drove around lake forest and the phantasmagoric wealth was unsettling to say the least.

in other news, i am pretty sure jason and i are going to get matching tattoos that pay homage to our hometown of WH and also memorialize our two-person Secret Society of Us. of course if this happens i will post some pictures..

for some reason i feel like a freshman... i am going to try and be a born again student, all righteous and shit. i am going to get filled with the mafuckin Word of learning. then i will mercilessly judge those around me and cast out the dark lord of failure. get ready to forget who i am... (of course deep down i know that this is a feeble attempt at a way to justify the fact that i have to be at school four days a week for like ten hours each day, and the isolation of that scares me, so will turn it into a divine thing that i don't have to understand and only have to obey.) thanks for the business model christianity!

keep drinking, keep doing, and most of all keep being--

i love you all

Watching the sun rise over Spanish Harlem

Hey hey Zeus, as I say and imagine his name in my head when I talk to him, asked me the other day why I always park next to the spot where he usually does. You see, Laura used to park there. Not that he would do anything more than just read into it.

Being on 3rd shift, I have my run of the spaces. I could park horizontally if I wanted. My chosen spot has 1 thing the others don't: a view. Astronomers have taken away Pluto from us, but I won't let Hey hey Zeus take away my sun rises.

Everyday, when I see the night breaking, I interrupt whatever I'm molding (production quotas be damned...which may be the reason I only got a 50 cents raise rather than the $1 norm.), pour a cup of coffee, which I brewed, and I take my lunch. Sometimes I get out to my car a little early and have to elbow the rooster awake. But I always catch the sunrise. Everyday for the last month I felt the Rosy Fingered Dawn crown me king.

The shame is that I usually wake up in the middle of the sunset.

Reading over this post, I think this could make a half-way decent "This I Believe."

Xenophobia

I realized today that I suffer from an almost crippling fear and hatred of people. I realized this when I told someone that I would only ride the bus in a big city if I was armed or in a large group of people. What created this lack of trust that has severed me from the rest of humanity? Why do I feel that I should be ready to fight someone whenever I travel in places where there are large numbers of people? I realize that I am probably not alone on the blog as far as this is concerned. Perhaps I just think that I feel this more acutely?
Example: When I go out to shop or eat, I make a point of going to places where I am not likely to meet anyone I know, because I don't like talking to people I know when I am out shopping or eating. I have gone so far as to avoid places where I know I will find acquaintances.
Does anyone else go this far to avoid familiarity with people? Does anyone else sleep with a metal pipe next to their bed? I cross the street if I see people approaching on my side of the street. I bring a knife with me when I go to answer the door. It's not like I am losing sleep or not functioning in society, but it has got to be just a little bit wrong that I am ready to kill or flee from any stranger I see, and I dislike meeting even casual acquaintances unless the meeting is arranged.
Honestly, unless you are my friend or I want to interact with you, just get the fuck off the planet. Go die. You are just making things difficult for me with your presence. I know you don't care if I die so cut the bullshit. Quit being a stranger. Quit looking at me. Quit breathing through your mouth. Leave me the fuck alone.

There are 2 kinds of routine

There are the ones that keep you happy and healthy, and the ones that slowly drain your life away. It's back to sChOOL for me today. I wonder which of the two types of routine my classes will be this year?

What have You Done with Your Name

In 10 days I'll be hosting a live version of my namesake out in Oakland, California. I wrote an episode of Match Game that is Wobbly oriented and bullied my way to and got a musical act bumped so I could do my show. This all started back in March when I formed a shadowy, clandestine committee that the rumor mills and whispers (and strategically placed propoganda) obliquely elevated to a level that can only disappoint.

Although I based my show on Match Game, I'm calling it A Wobbly Association Game. I'm nervous as hell about putting this on. I think I may bomb. No one save for me on the committee has ever heard of the show. I'm salting a panel member in so at lest 1 person gives funny and apt responses.

From now until I do the show, I'm going to try to stay in character.

We'll start round 2, but 1st we have to do these messages.

HEWK NUKEM

DOOM 3 : THE HEWK'S TURN

I'm in ur game! fraggin' ur friends!

Get Your Squinting Eyes Ready

The last post of this

before I post a pic of the full suit, on or shortly before Halloween. I must say the mask turned out to be rather terrifying once it was finished and I saw myself in it. It is also hot and poorly ventilated, although that makes it more historically accurate.

A winner is me

At least I didn't go up against The Amazon. I still got my ass decimated by the flying cross chop though.

Super Punch Off

you guys don't know fear until you fight against a man who trains in a pink jumpsuit

You can't start a new oke until you finish the one on your plate

I had a dream a while back, one of the awesomest dreams I ever had. I was at an arcade, and they had a photo booth. It wasn't a normal photobooth, however. This was the Nintendo photo booth. When you sat in it you could choose to have your picture taken with any famous Nintendo character you wanted. For some reason, I chose to have my picture taken with the block from tetris. I also was wearing a special tetris block-shaped hat, too. Anyway, here's a snapshot that kind of shows you what it was like in the dream, minus the hat which I have yet to make.

Phase 2 completed

Does it look scary yet?












And because you asked for it, the historical records that inspired me:
















And this is a good article for the history(3rd from the top), as is the old standby. Most relevant to me is the idea that the frightening appearance was deliberate.

ouch

I asked to go on a tour of the National Pain Institute and all they did was sucker punch me in the kidneys o.O

Later I got my degree in Indian burns and a minor in purple nurples...GO NPI!!!

HOWDY FROM AMERICA'S BIRTH CANAL

Hey everyone. Bill finally gave me an invitiation to get back on here. Now I have something to keep me busy at work. I miss Woodmans.
Love,
Meg

It only took me 3 months to get this far

Here it is, my nearly complete plague doctor mask for Halloween this year. DIY costumes are the best.

My interesting skit drawn from work

Some Manager just finished going over the Medical and Dental Plans when she asks:

Mia: Any questions?
Jason: If I bite my tongue, is that covered under dental or medical?
Mia: What were you eating at the time?
Jason: A steak.
Mia: Was it severed?
Jason: No, butterflied.
Mia: I meant your tongue.

Killing Time

So the clock is Hewkin's and it didn't work this morning and so he missed work. He wanted to destroy this one and get a new one. I was more then happy to help out (^_^)

A new Crespo is born

Her name is Pandora and she was born today at 5:21 p.m to my brother Odin and his girlfriend Stephanie. I am officially an uncle.

Just in time for the new photoke

Here's the old theme, finally

Why did the fat Polock throw away his TV

He heard it ads 10 pounds.

But can you wear them all at once?

Hey ladies...this is what my crotch will look like as an old man *wink*
Not as fantastic as Bill's collection but then again nothing ever is. Note to self: buy more underwear...I wonder what time Walmart opens....wait a min. it's open 24/7...you're going down Douglas!

Kaicho once told me I had a sock fetish.

What he didn't know is that I also collect underwear from my victims.

Vinegarphobes Unite

1. Do you like ketchup?
2. Mustard?
3. Mayonnaise?
4. Pickles?
5. Salad Dressing?
6. {Blank} Salad(where the blank can be egg, tuna, etc.)?
7. Do you enjoy the smell of any of these foods?
8. Would you willingly touch any of these foods?
9. Can you even stand to be near these foods for a long time?

If you answered no to most or all of these questions, congratulations, you are a vinegarphobe! Vinegar, and all things that contain it or are made with it(with few exceptions), is a bane to your existence. But there is help. I am starting a support group for vinegarphobes. I think a few of you here are just that, so I hope to generate a lot of interest.