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Itchy Remorse

Doomlazer calender wants your booty.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

This place nearly burnt down

But it's ok, because we were eventually going to get kicked out anyway. Very soon in fact, considering there is really no way I can drum up $595 and still manage the insurance, phone, internet, electric, and car bills all in the same two week period. Oh well, it was a good run.

Monday, May 29, 2006

I Figured out Da Vinci's Code

The Last Supper was nothing but left overs.

Jesus didn't walk on water, he was a surfer.

Let's keep going with these.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Pop culture has ruined me.

I spent four dollars attempting to win a hat with "Yo! MTV Raps" embroidered on it. I only stopped because the machine didn't take fives and there were no change machines nearby. I vow to attempt to win it every day until I come home. If I do win, I will post a photo of it. That is all.

It's not getting any better but at least we had a lot of it and now it's almost over

The grin on Clyde's face faded and his mouth looked like that of the Mona Lisa when he found out that who really committed the killings. His eyes follwed Alger as the doctor took to confessing.

"Now I'll be haunted no longer," the doctor said. "Kill me. Go ahead. I've seen enough death that I don't fear it."

"If I have to kill you to refresh you memory, I'll fucking do it." Clyde took 2 steps toward the doctor and pulled out his knife. Four figures cast a convienant shadow on Clyde's face. "Confess, goddamnit."

"I needed the skrilla!" The doctor put his hands over his face. "Before I went to medical school," he said softly, "I was an Arts major."

Friday, May 26, 2006

I had a bukkake party tonight, too bad you couldn't come


I saved it for you next time you visit though. Haha! Seriously, this disgusting bag is homemade glue for papier-mache. I am beginning work on my halloween costume. Hooray!

www.ibuypower.com


.... it's coming...

... and -if- you want the stats...


Thursday, May 25, 2006

Just wanted to post that I have nothing to post

except for short blog post number 6.

other than that: public radio, iww, whiskey, fuck my momma, duke, x-men 3 tomorrow

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

If we want short posts, let's just say what we want to in the title only?

(EDIT BY ANDY: BLASPHEMOUS!)

20 Years of Schoolin' and they put you on the Day Shift

Happy Birthday to the author of that line. Now I'm off to my day shift job. I'll be in my basement fixin' up some medicine when 2nd shift replaces me.

This makes for 3 short posts in a row. If we get to 100, Necrophilio has to cut his hair.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Triskaidekaphobia

I know now why we added the newest members to the blog(arguably filler, but beside my point.) Just go down the list and count them.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Nothing happens, nobody reads it, it's awful....(4)

I'm only continuing this because I haven't been told to stop yet. The audience consists of myself, one surly motherfucker, six indifferent motherfuckers, and five non-existent motherfuckers, so I'm not surprised that I have really gotten neither good nor bad from them. Well, enough talk, have at you!

“Going for a nice walk through the old graveyard eh?” The assailant revealed his face to the doctor. It was the rough face of a hardened criminal. A scar ran down along his cheek, beginning near his left ear and ending just short of his upper lip. His teeth were crooked and his breath smelt faintly of alcohol.

“Who…?” Alger scarcely had time to begin his question before he received a vicious head butt from the heavily muscled man.

“I’ll be asking the questions. Mind telling me what you were doing in the graveyard?” Alger had started to open his mouth to answer, but a knee to the solar plexus left him unable to talk or breathe. “Never mind that question. I know full well what you were doing. As you watched the funeral, so I watched you. I knew you’d fall into your old rut sooner or later. Now go ahead, I’ll let you talk awhile.”

A Deal with the Devil

“Who are you, and why do you speak to me like you know who I am?” The doctor struggled a little in the criminals grasp.

“Does the name Watkins mean anything to you, doctor?” On hearing the name the doctor’s struggling intensified.

“You bastard! You followed me all the way here, did you?” A second blow from the brute’s knee, this time to the groin, silenced the doctor once more.

“Now, now, doctor. You must be quiet or you’ll wake the living. Now I’m going to let go of you and we’re going to have a proper conversation. You understand though, that if you try to fight me or try to run it’ll be the end of you.” He released his grip on the doctor.

“You followed me all this way. What do you want from me?”

“See, that’s where you’re mistaken.” The brute waved his index finger back and forth. “It’s not the father that followed you, it’s the son. My name, good sir, is Clyde Watkins. The Sam you mistook me for, my father, is still rotting in the dungeon thanks to you.”

“I did not send your father there, wretch. But if it’s revenge you want, then just finish this quickly.”

“You didn’t send him there? What nonsense! Your testimony against him, skillfully planned to save your own sorry skin, nearly got him hanged!” Clyde raised his hand as if to strike Dr. Alger once more, but restrained himself. “No, I don’t need revenge. What I need is a partner.”

“A partner?”

“Yes, my clever doctor. Robbing and swindling folks makes a decent bit of coin, but you doctors are the ones that make real money. My father knew this, so he found a way to get money from doctors. And I, ever the ambitious son, am seeking to follow in his footsteps.” Clyde began pacing back and forth, clearly excited by retelling his story. “I won’t lie to you. I wanted to kill you at first. I sold everything my family had to afford passage to America. I shadowed you since you arrived. But just when I’d made up my mind to do the deed my greed took hold. I thought to myself, ‘Now Clyde, why kill the goose that can lay you a horde of golden eggs?’ I knew you’d come here to work at the school. So I reasoned that if I simply lie in wait for the right moment, I can offer my services to the good Dr. Alger and everyone will benefit. That’s pretty generous of me, isn’t it?”

“Insane would seem a better word to describe it. What makes you think I will take your offer?” Clyde’s pacing stopped. He was becoming enraged again.

“Oh, I know you’ll take my offer. I know your secret. I could ruin you, just like you ruined my father, just like you should’ve been ruined along with him! Or, if I’m not in the mood for subtle revenge….” He pulled a large knife from his belt. “I’ll just slit your fucking throat from ear to ear. So do we have a deal?”

“You give me no choice. I will accept your services, monster.”

“Monster.” Clyde gave a merry grin, wholly evil. “I rather like the sound of that.” He picked up Alger’s equipment. “Leave here at once. I will deliver the body to the university. We shall signal with lanterns. Two blinks mean it’s safe for me to approach. I shall answer with three so you’ll recognize me. Meet me at the cellar doors.”

“We have not yet negotiated a price for these services.”

“And we never will. You’ll pay me what I ask. Do I need to remind you of why one more time?”

“No.” Dr. Alger got to his feet and brushed the dirt from his pants.

“Make haste, doctor. As the good book says, leave the dead to the dead.” Clyde once again smiled his evil grin. The doctor left without saying a word. He was in a state of shock, stunned by how utterly correct his premonitions of doom had been.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

You must be this lame to ride: o (> <) O

Yes, I am a bemani-style game crack addicted whore. I even sacrificed
lunch to go pick it up. *flies away on a helicopter as the planet
explodes* YOU WIN!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Serialized (bad) blog story part 3



I think cemeteries almost always look better in black and white. Something about a lack of color makes it more austere, shows more the contrast between death and life or something. It should be known that this story is a rough draft if anything. Please don't hate me, look beyond the shortcomings of my terrible style of writing and try to be entertained....

Oh, and for those newcomers to the story, part 2 is here(with a link to part 1 to be found there as well)

After agonizing deliberations, Dr. Alger decided to perform the grisly acts of theft himself. To some it may have seemed to be the most difficult of the three choices, but to one who understands the criminal mind this would be the most logical choice for one reason. In any crime, the likelihood of getting caught and punished increases dramatically as more people become involved with it. Accomplices, fences, safehouse owners, and getaway drivers can all turn against you for a price. Simply put, a criminal cannot trust another criminal.

There was another reason the doctor decided to do it on his own, a dark secret he carried with him from England. He had made the mistake of working with a ghoul before, and the individual was arrested. During the trial he implicated several prominent doctors, Alger among them. Though he was never charged thanks to his influence and the expenditure of a large part of his personal fortune, his reputation was ruined nonetheless. After the trial, Dr. Alger could no longer find work in his native country. He became depressed, and took to drinking. It was at this time that the letter from America arrived. New hope kindled his passion for his job, and he packed his belongings immediately and took the first ship to America. Alger began to wonder if perhaps the black mark of the accusations, true as they were, had been forgotten. This hope was to be short lived. As Dr. Alger was forced to take up his old job he once again fell into a great despair. He saw with terrible clarity his ruin beginning once again, and anguished at the seeming inevitability of his doom.

So a despondent Alger arrived at Grove Street Cemetery late one fateful night, three days before his first class was to begin. He had been there the previous day watching a funeral procession, so he knew a body had been recently interred. With a spade in one hand and a large canvas sheet in the other, Alger headed with cold efficiency to the fresh grave. He knew he would not be seen. He was experienced with this kind of work, having made night trips to the graveyards and charnel houses of England scarcely a year ago. The hour was late, and nothing in the quiet town stirred save for the animals.

The doctor reached the grave and began his ugly work. No sooner had he done so then a hand grabbed him roughly on the shoulder. He wheeled around and tried to throw a punch at the unknown assailant, but found himself quickly overpowered and slammed into a large headstone, both hands pinned against the cold granite.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

THE MORNING SUN HAS VANQUISHED THE HORRIBLE NIGHT.


Success. I have made my Castlevania II: Simon's Quest shirt, something I had wanted to do for four years now.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

How to take control of your computer. (how to un-fuck yo shit fo rizzle)

Many of the people I know seem to be having problems with spyware. This scourge of the internet can cause all sorts of random stupidity and make your computer borderline useless. Starting with this post we will explore ways to avoid and remove it. This won't be a simple list of instructions to follow. It will hopefully bring about a change in your computer usage habits that will keep your data/personal information safe and increase your productivity.

The first assignment is inventory.
What hardware do you have installed? (cpu, ram, hard drives, video cards, tv-tuners)
What software do you have installed? (all of them, you need to figure out what you need to keep.)
Do you have installation media for the installed programs?
Do you have installation media for your operating system?
What percentage of your available storage space is in use?
How long does it take your computer to start? This is measured from the time you push the power button to the time you reach a usable desktop.

You don't have to post the answers in the comments, you can just follow along at home.

Ployurethane Want a Cracker?


I'm working 2 jobs. 1 is molding Polyurethane and the other is as Branch Secretary of the Chicago IWW. 1 is unrewarding, long hours, little pay, and hard work, and the other is molding polyurethane. I mold shapes and shape molds of all sizes for 40 to 45 hours a week and do Wobbly stuff with the rest of my waking hours. The cool thing with both is that I get to listen to Public Radio when I labor at them.

Polyurethane is Factory World: heat, assembly lines, and alientation. Luciano gets on my ass for doing something Twyla told me to do, the Quality Control manager is out of touch with the realities of the molding process, and 2nd shift fucks everything up leaving extra work for my 1st shift Fellow Workers. Still, it's a better job than working as an Ice Cream Truck Driver.

Everyday after work all I want to do is soak my feet in a tub of Whiskey. Old Crow Medicine daily cures this working man's blues.

Friday, May 12, 2006

A strange coping mechanism

I've noticed that during the times of my life that I am feeling the worst, that is when I am drawn to baking. Something about the process makes me feel at peace. I can lose myself in it, and when I'm done, I can share the results with others.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Uninteresting story part 2.

If you haven't read part 1 this will not make much sense


An hour later, and the gruesome business was finished. The doctor blew out his lamp, and the other man disappeared into the night. The college returned to its peaceful slumber. The only witnesses to the crime of this night were the moon and a solitary owl, which began its haunting cry a few minutes after the men parted ways.

As he made his way back to his lodgings on the university grounds, a shiver ran through the doctor. It was partly from the unexpected cold, and partly from that man. He hated that man with an icy hatred that made the blood freeze in his veins. The doctor wished there was an alternative to dealing with him, and he cursed the fateful night they first met.

An Unfortunate Meeting

It was a little over 2 years ago, in 1814, when prominent English physician Dr. Ronald Alger immigrated to the United States. He had been invited by a prestigious Connecticut medical school to teach medical students, and since he was out of work at the time it seemed to be a huge blessing. When he arrived, however, the blessing quickly became a curse. University staff implored him to teach his old specialty, anatomy, which Dr. Alger was fanatically against. “Hadn’t they heard the rumors?” he thought. He tried in vain to secure a position in other departments, but there was no use fighting against his fate. With no jobs available teaching other courses and a dwindling supply of funds and credit, Dr. Alger was forced to become the anatomy professor for the university.

To teach and learn anatomy would seem to be a very easy thing. After all, like any other machine, one simply has to take the body apart to understand how it works. A simple task, really. One thing confounds this task immensely, and that is the deeply held belief by nearly every civilized society on the planet that the human body is sacred. This was the conflict that hindered the progress of anatomy as a science as the 19th century began. Some innovative solutions had been employed, such as using the bodies of condemned prisoners or willing donors. But simply put, there were not enough criminals and donors to fill the demand for specimens. This created a niche for a new breed of criminal: the ghoul.

This conflict is why Dr. Alger was so reluctant to teach his old specialty. He knew that if he was to successfully and faithfully educate students on the workings of the human body, he would have to make one of three choices: turn a blind eye to the ghouls, solicit their services directly, or become one himself.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Energy vs. Entropy

Today I took a hacksaw to my graphics card. Hopefully eliminating the unnecessary metal bits will allow it to fit comfortably in my bitchy AGP slot. But I digress. I can now add a hacksaw to the list of suspicious items purchased at wal-mart late at night. Two other trips have produced what is now a rather large list of such items
  1. A kitchen knife, some rope and a bottle of nyquil
  2. Zip ties and a roll of duct tape
As I was leaving I actually kind of wished that the hacksaw I had over my shoulder was for dismembering my victim, and that the balloons I bought were not for use in papier-mache, but for a celebration once the deed was done.
On another note, here is a picture of my recent tattoo, though most of you have seen it already, perhaps a few have not. Also, for those of you who also have one or more tattoos, consider this a photoke theme.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Starting one without finishing the other

Hope you enjoy this. I just started writing last night and what came out is the beginning of a tale of murder set in New England in the early 19th century.


Chapter 1

It was a perfect night: perfectly quiet, perfectly dark. The medical college was perfectly free of activity. Shortly after midnight, an imperfection approached the college with a lantern in one hand, parcel in the other. It was a rather large parcel, slung over the shoulder of the imperfect figure and apparently carried with great difficulty. As this figure drew closer to the building, a second lantern light appeared in a ground floor window. The window light blinked twice. The figure’s lantern answered with three blinks, and its light then went out. Instead of approaching the main entrance, the figure made a circuitous route around the building to the service entrance. Waiting at this entrance was a second person, with a small lamp in one hand. The light revealed the first figure to be a man in his late thirties with a large, athletic build. Even in the dim lamplight one could notice his rough features almost immediately. The second person was a man of about twenty-six. His features were much fairer and nobler, and this combined with the look on his face gave a clear impression that he did not feel comfortable here at this hour. He addressed the first man with a slight shiver in his voice. It was a cold autumn night, and there would likely be a frost.

“So, you have it then, do you?”

“I do, do you have the payment?”

“Certainly. Five dollars, correct?”

“Yes, five it is.” The rough-looking man set down the parcel he had been carrying. It hit the ground with a dull thud. The parcel was about 6 feet long and covered in canvas which was in turn covered with dirt and grass stains. It looked as though it had been dragged as well as carried.

“Be careful..” Before he could finish his criticism he remembered where he was and what time it was, and lowered his voice. He looked at the parcel for a few moments. Then he grabbed one end of the canvas and began to tug at it. “This one’s a heavy one. Would you mind helping me bring it in?”

“For another dollar I will.” The rough-hewn man smiled. His smile was almost entirely evil, the smile of self-satisfaction that betrays the criminal mind.

“You’ll get nothing more from me.” The gentleman resumed his pulling at the canvas. The parcel did not move, but the canvas began to come loose. As it did it revealed the face of a male human corpse, recently deceased. The gentleman’s eyes met the glassy stare of the dead man, and took in the full horror of its contorted grimace. At this he quickly averted his gaze, and began fumbling in his pockets. The gentleman pulled out two coins and threw them onto the ground at the older man’s feet.

“Fine. Take your money, monster. Just get this over with quickly.” Upon seeing the coins and hearing the epithet, the rough-hewn man smiled his evil smile once more. He seemed to feel a perverse sense of pride in being called “monster.”

“Pleasure doing business with you, doctor.” He grabbed the other end of the canvas and began lifting it. The doctor did not join in. “Well aren’t you going to carry your end, doctor?”

“Please, just……just cover it back up first.”

“As you wish.” And the criminal pulled the canvas back over the face of the corpse.



Shirt-worthy or not?

I drew this in crayon at work. Then I tweaked it in photoshop. I'm not done cleaning up the final screen image, as you can see.

Monday, May 08, 2006

I Spy with my little Black Mouse




I have spyware. Don't ask how. Ok, because I clicked on something that said I have spyware. Send helplinks...links that won't give me more spyware.

Really, it's because I clciked on something that said I have spyware. Or it's from my limewire. Maybe limespywaredisease?


I have to start using torrents.

I have more than 50 shirts....do you? Does anyone need that many?

Sunday was the 50th day of wearing a different shirt every day. The project is illustrated here.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Fever Dreams

I don't really have fever dreams. When I do have a fever I spend all of my time shivering and trying not to vomit. But I do have pretty vivid and intense normal dreams. Last night I created an entire fake past for myself. Including an imaginary house near relatives and family members that don't exist.

I'm really posting because I can't sleep. I think I spent so much time being a "night person" that I've ruined all chance at becoming a productive member of daytime society. It's going to be a bitch getting up in the morning. I hope the night is going better for everyone else.

The earth is doomed? Awesome!



Seeing this program on NOVA has really gotten my hopes up. At first I thought that my wish to see humanity die off in my life time could never come true. Now I have renewed hope. A 5-10 degree(celsius) increase in global temperature in the next decade is death to us all, and it's not entirely impossible I will be there to see it begin!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Shame == 0

I'm waiting in line for a rave. For shizzle. I expect a quick departure,
and incredible regrets. LETS DO THIS.

When in rome...

Yeah, I'm at acen. Like whoa. I don't fit in at all this is fucking
awesome. More to come!?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Six feet of earth weighs a ton


What once was lost now is found. Do you know what this is? There is a 100% chance that I will end up using it in the next few weeks.
My apartment is constantly being renovated. Not a day has passed for weeks when there wasn't work being done in my building. Now they are putting in new tile instead of the carpet in the hall. I'm sure it will look nice when it's done, but for now it's an inconvenience. And I have these Russian guys looking at me funny when I try to get to my apartment over their work area. I'm sorry sir, I can't help that I live here. Oh, and as for the title, I meant "weighs a ton" in the sense of the old saying. I have no idea how much that quantity of earth really weighs.

What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you?

I'm in this accounting class and how it works is that it is broken down into three parts. For five weeks you learn 4 chapters out of some book and then they test you on it. If you don't pass the test you have to retake the five weeks. Last semester I didn't pass the first section the first time around but did good the second time and also on the second section. In this semester since I had already passed the first two sections all I needed was the third. I didn't have this class until the last five weeks of the semester but I didn't know where or when the class was. On my online schedule it is posted as TBA but it was never announced. I was waiting for someone to announce to me the time and the place the class was being held. As time came closer to the end of the semester I got a little impatient and went to the accounting office (something I should have done from the beginning). Come to find out I had already missed two weeks of class. All in all I only went to the class 3 times. I have a quiz at 9:30 and my final is at 5:30 tonight. This is really going to suck. Nacho cheese.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It's-a-yellow!



I am sorry for every degrading comment I have ever made about italians.

Back up in your ass with the resurrection

I am back. My computer is back. Maybe not quite oblivion ready, but back, and on the internet. I love you all. But the absence was good for me, it taught me things..... Now on to business.