Spermamax improves your sperm morphology.

How about that Canada?

Last night in America's 52nd state to be The Trailer Park Boys hosted the ECMAs (East Coast Music Awards to those of you who don't like music) during which "Bubbles" sang a song to Prime Minister Harper(who had a front row seat) and tried to get the crowd to sing along. I would like to show off some hott linkz to some clipz, but ever since Celine Dion; Canada has been very ashamed of it's media, so none are to be found. Sorry! (EDIT: Worst Promo Ever.

Also CBC 2 late at nights plays crazy music that I think sounds like the background music and ambiant noise to classic horror films. David Weinstein is the only name I was able to catch. That cd was categorized as "Rock/Pop, Classical, Electronica, Rock, 20th Century Period" so your guess is as good as mine as to what to compare it to.

A windows media thing for streaming CBC 2. It is classical music all day and a touch newsy in the morning, but late at night no radio station compares.

I'm a white male ages 22-45, everyone listens to me

I had a date today...a court date. That is also to say that I courted justice but wound up after the trial going to the last vestige of Black Power, a fried chicken place. Brown's Chicken mushrooms is what I had to have after taking inventory of the demographics of those on traffic charges this afternoon. Between popping 'shrooms, I wrote notes for this post.

1) Out of about 40 in the courtroom awaiting judgement, 10 per cent were white.
2) Only three there were pleading innocent.

Those were the only noted I wrote. Make of them what you will. This was Waukegan (Little Hispania), and white people are genetically better drivers than non-white (Kill Whitey!). My suggestion to those who the Supreme White and Slavic Race are made to feel above is this: next to your proof of insurance in the glove box, keep a white penis. It got me off...

Check out the tools.

I named my desk "Rabbit Station", don't ask me why.

No title required.

Lisa Labuz of Mourning Edition on Chicago Public Radio.


A way with words superstar Martha Barnette


Gwen Macsai started me on my public radio addiction. Currently hosts RE:Sound


Gretchen Helfrich who used to host Odyssey and currently fills in for basically anyone on Chicago Public Radio. So sad, she deserves more.

As the original and only member of the NPRmy I feel this is long past it's prime. Today I present to you, the only things that mean anything to me... The ladies of NPR that I would totally marry.

Eventually I won't have to put up with this.

In the movie "Walking Tall" with the Rock(I think I am required by law, the WWE and the Rock to say that)Johnny Knoxville wears a homemade Misfits shirt. It is just a red shirt with the word Misfits written on it in black permanent marker. I wish I had two of those.

I am out of batteries for the camera so please accept this crappy hand drawn substitute.

P.S. Were you guys trying to smoke lady grey? I'm not judging(how could I), only curious. I base this entirely on crime scene evidence. My lady grey was on the floor and a couple of the bags were opened on the table. I might have tried to smoke it, but I don't think in even my most drunk, destructive moments would I smoke tea.

I'm Seeing Double...Four Beers

This is the poor man's way of double fisting.

A saturday to remember.

This is what I did on saturday. It was fun. Pictures are better than words.









The full picture set is available on flikr.

I could not be more sorry.

Waking up today I seen the results of last night when the bathroom kitchen and living room resemble my room, I don't know. I remember Justin showing up and absolutely nothing after that.

I am sorry everyone.

There are more pictures but I am tired.

If none but God himself knows what happened outside of my bedroom last night, that's one too many

Perhaps the wisest thing I did today was to barricade myself in my bedroom shortly after coming home, and not just because of the threat of knife attack. When I finally emerged it was a scene of absolute entropy. Vomit in the shower, puddles of water on the bathroom floor, and a sock in the toilet(I pissed in the sink rather than fish that fucker out). And that's just the bathroom. Moving on to the kitchen I saw every conceivable kitchen utensil littering the area, a pile of miscellaneous on every table, and at least two broken objects. The rank smell of onions still fills the house. It took nearly an hour for me to connect the cold I was feeling to the windows that were open in every room. In the interest of good taste I have chosen not to take a picture of the inside of that bathroom.

*EDIT* I forgot perhaps the most traumatic thing I saw that night: after four years living together, my first, fleeting glimpse of what may have been a naked Andy.

And that, my friends, is not........good eats

Motherfucking Fujitsu Heavy Industries is one crazy nigger.

go here otherwise I will post all kinds of dirty pictures for days to come.

I have my ways of knowing.

Okay, so I don't. And I don't have any dirty pictures(not ones that would make you do what I want anyways). I'll move on. Not a lond post this time.

What is better?
The city or the country.
The left or the right.

Roses or orchids.

Guitar or ukulele.
Lisa Lobuz or Melba Lara.
Filtered or non.
Beer or liquor.

Kara-Oke?

I stepped into a David Lynch film tonight when I went to karaoke in one of them private booths. Half the room is mirrored and the other is padded so that no one hears your screams. Ordinarily, I don't dig this kind of karaoke, but since 3 of the superstars were French, I got a kick out of it. I don't like reading lond post, so I'll end on this note:
Fetchin' Some Gretchen'

This is a half day in photos. I wish I had thought of it before lunch.

This is my workstation. I don't usually visit the blog at work because I know that andy may at any time be naked at the top of the page. I wish I had taken a photo with some of my tools in it.


This is the other end of my workstation featuring my workbench, testing and installation rack and some lovely servers that will hopefully be gone by this time tomorrow. I wish I had gotten a wider shot.


This is just outside the back door of my building. I wish I had punched out earlier.


This is the speedometer of the car as I drove home. I wish I had driven faster for this picture.


This is my computer at home. I wish I had organized my desk and taken a wider shot.


This is my bed. I wish I didn't have to get off the computer and use it.

Fuck you North Dakota; nobody liked you anyways!

I have seen a lot of vehicles on the road with airbrushed paintings on them. Driving home from work today I seen the ultimate in self expression and masculinity! It was a white dodge pickup with a white dodge pickup painted on the tailgate. I laughed as I wondered if he has his portrait tattooed on his ass with his name written under it in script. He quickly passed me on Green Bay road because he was driving way too fast! Sigh what a rebel...

The auto behind him was a white chevy pickup with PigPen of Peanuts fame airbrushed on the tailgate. That was funny too.

Even Paranoids have Enemies

I think these people conspire to do me harm:

Everyone but Andy! that I've talked to about Public Radio
My bank Teller
Penn and Teller
Alton Brown (because I cut sanitation corners)
The Smiths (because I go about things the wrong way)
Hangley Joe (the feeling is mutual)
The fuck at NPR who cut Odyssey (I send him so many emails, all titled Fetchin' Some Grecthin')
Sarah Silverman, that dumb dirty big-nosed money-grubbing war starting Jew
Other comics who only do sterotype jokes
and People who Suck
Napolean Dynamite (but like anyone can possibly know that)

Ok, so last night I saw N.D. for the first time. I finally understand Hangley's glamour shots.

suicide panda...

andy! pandas are more hardcore than you know...

One night (I'm not going to tell you when) I got drunk and showed some people my amazing trick to turn my face red. And this is the picture Yoomin drew as a result of that.


The real reason behind the post is with the new season of American Idol here I was wondering who everyone's favorite is. Now I know some of you don't own a T.V. or just don't watch it but I'm sure some of you do. Anyhoo...my favorites are, for the girls it's Paris (I swear if I was rich enough I'd pay her to follow me around and just sing where ever I am) and for the guys I can't remember the guys name but he has grey hair (that should narrow it down) basically because he sings like a blind black person but isn't. La~

Something for the kids to do

Here are two fun activities! I hope you have a printer handy to print them out! They come courtesy of Ren & Stimpy Comics #19, The Minimalist Issue. Pro wrestlers Lump and Loaf teach you the japanese art of origami. Enjoy!

Subvert the Domanate Tabboo

As T.S. Eliot said, "This is taxes country." Ok, he actually said, "This is cactus country," but fuck him for now. IRS forms have been mailed out. These are the forms that either establish you as an employee or an independent contractor...or leech off of your parents. All three are important in determining your legal rights as a commodity, er, person. In Europe, people talk about how much they make as if casually talking about the cute thing their daughter did with a cucumber. Americans are more tight-lipped. I'm asking every Oker to state her or his earnings for the last year.. Why not? I'll start.

El matchgame-o: $5100. Things were pretty lousy for this old work-aholic.

Lunch, Before.

When I purchased my camera I thought I would take photos of interesting things. I was wrong. I can't think of much to do with it. I'm not really going to take an after photo, but only because it would look suspicious if I walked into the bathroom with a camera.

I am going to burn down Burlington.

Shirt is from the Onion.com

I forgot to mention the other added benifits of blood donorship, besides knowing that your blood tested clean. You get to learn your blood type! Guess what mine is and I'll give you some as a prize! I'll give you a hint, it is the same as my personal mantra.

I pander to my vodker.

RadioFreeDoomlazer is indeed up and plays mostly talk programming. I'm using shoutcast to broadcast so just go to Shoutcast and search for doomlazer. Click on listen and you are home free. Right now I'm playing a Radiolab marathon.

I did have a photo idea, but it wasn't very sexy. I was going to take my picture with my arms out and cut and paste a t-shirt from an online vendor onto me. I don't have the time, I have to get back to work.

Next time you think I am seriously telling you something here imagine me yelling it as fast as I can. Try to take that serious.

A dubious hotlink to RFDL can be found here.

Not so hot link

When I shot him I was so handsome..It was the light, it was the angle

My photoke entry is "Spooning skeletons." One is a boy skeleton, and one is a girl skeleton. And you just walked in on them, shame on you!
Also, enjoy my commentary on the limitations of paint

scarred for life...

so i was thinking the other day that perhaps our little circle here should all get a matching tattoo. lame-- i think not. gloriously antiquated/tribal gesture-- sure... but hey no matter where the future takes us we can always look upon our common scar and remember... well just remember i suppose. i know matchgame will be down (maybe). we could all just get "oke" tattooed somewhere and if we all end up hating each other and regretting our respective pasts we can pass it off as a poor grapes of wrath reference...

It totally blew right past me.

I know what Valentine's day is and what it represents. I did not know it was a day to feel jealous. I lack a girlfriend and it suddenly hurts bad. I am less of a person because of a missing significant other. I can't believe I am 6 days late on this. Self-loathing is a dish best served warm. This will change now! I have a good job that earns me good money that I usually spend on philanthropy and public radio, but it all can be yours now for the low low price of marrying me.

Pros:
I rock a madcap radio station online.
I am not overweight.
I will do anything for you.(desperation can be a beautiful thing.)
I can cook!(anything clearly portrayed on good eats)
I once skull-fucked a grizzly bear to death.(a lie, but my dick is that huge(a different lie(ignore this one)))

Cons:
I think you are less beautiful than radio(sorry)
I am drunk.

So there we go. I'll do a photo thing tomorrow. Not an -oke but something worse. Something sexual! Rawr!

2 birds with one post

There's a switch blade inside one of those teddy bears...just thought I'd give you a fair warning, before I CUTS YA!

Yoomin likes to come over and draw on MSPaint everyonce in a while and this is one of them. Appearently I'm the panda.

Man-up and oke-up.

I got the fucking shoutcast to work, now i just need to work on some quality family oriented content. Shoutcast stream so you can open it with itunes or winamp It is probably going to be 90% of the time me sitting at home listening to public radio: It will mostly be this american life, re:sound, outfront and this I believe. Please enjoy, I love you all. I'll make a bunch of things to put on there and I encourage you to record something or request things. I'll resort to music when all else fails.

The way it works is Andy lays down on top and dreams float around above in the air.


One for the Ira.

Someone set us up the photoke

make your time..

MSPaintoke

Boredom at work... for the 2nd half of my day... I re-discovered the power of MS Paint. It's rawness helped to capture the reality of what I've drawn...

I suggest you all sit down and let MS-Paint captivate your imagination.

I'm on a Mexican radio.

I have tried to broadcast internet radio for two days now. I am here now to renounce my attempts.

Radio Doomlazer is dead. I cannot do it; it is too hard.

Everyone will just have to listen to people other than myself reading my spam e-mail over Mozart.

Damn my lack of formal education.

Doomlazer Radio I am the idiot.

It's nice to finally work with some proper villains again.

I'm not sure if this is cause for alarm. I have a hard time taking this seriously because it feels so unreal that I cannot help but find it funny. Using the Standard BMI Calculator with the values 132lbs(approx. The scale I used is not for sale or trade) and 6' 00"(My last official measurement I took was actually 5' 11 27/32") puts me at about 17.9. Just over a month ago I was 150-160 lbs. Now I have to go to the DMV to correct the information on my driver's license.

So I ask you all, how can I gain 20+ pounds quickly? I don't think I should let my hypochondria run with this.

I looked through the website where I calculated my BMI to see what they said. All of their info is geared to the overweight and obese. I suppose it is assumed that nobody scored below 20 on their counter. This makes me so mad I could just go intentionally throw up my breakfast!(edit: j/k. key-reyest)

Bored at work

While bored at work, I fiddled around with JASC AnimationPro software and produced this little thing... it's somewhat reminiscent of that character I created a long time ago in highschool.... I guess he will always and forever be a symbol of me.

Guess I had a knack for animation and computer graphics editing.... who would have guess? (and god forbid you see my hand-drawn ones while bored off my ass on a 14hour post day after day after day.... I have grown to love the 3m stickypads. they make excellent mini-flipbooks)

I'm a Fish and Chip off the Old Bloc

Alton Brown, Andy! and I fished out of the old ocean a fancy little thing called Good Eats. With more oil than a Saudi Royal Family cousin twice removed, Andy! and I fried up something that would make them Friday night Catholic Fish Friers wish they were Saturday night Baptists like us.


Here Andy eats F&C out of the box his laptop was shipped in. Let me just say that good eats has never gone so smoothly! Our project went exactly like the episode sans the terrible sister. This is Andy's first good eat's cookery attempt so we expected a certain amount of error. The only problem encountered was: we made too much! A lack of proper equipment and know-how couldn't keep this crew dinnerless.

Next time we are making veno tacos! Expect nothing short of a perfect batch on the first attempt.

I like to start my day with a nice cold refreshing glass of propaganda.

When Donald Duck fights the Japanese nobody wins. Oh wait, Donald wins.

Can't let the filthy Japs hog the spotlight when there are even filthier Krauts to hate as well.

Hate them both at the same time! For a limited time only: a Scottish stereotype included!

With any luck I can make it through today without getting shot in the back.

radio free doomlazer test

Demon I am and face I peel

You. Must. Watch. This. NOW!!!!!

The doctor said I wouldn't have to wear an elbow brace if I stopped jacking off so much. To think I went in for stomach problems.

Earlier today the international date line got stuck in time and space, the world kept turning. Being torn from it's typical spot in the Pacific ocean caused the world to pause for less than a second as the massive amount of force necessary to uproot one of the planet's most popular pieces of political fiction. Billions of people were reported to see it pass overhead as the date line lost it's previous role as a fixed location on the planet to that of a static entity. Abusive sea captains throughout the Pacific were reported to be furious as the hazing ritual of date-line first-timers sank to an all time low not seen for almost 400 years. Please set back your clocks 1 second and destroy the remnants of your calendar as it will forever be February 17th.

Today's image while being unrelated to the title and the body was also shamelessly stolen from White Ninja Comics. You already knew that, but credit must be allocated properly.

The Pilsbury Ham-Boy

Another piece of the 300 pound puzzle that is my father fell into place tonight. It's not the piece that explains where his teeth are or how he managed to put it on and keep it on by gumming all of his food. Two Canadian cousins (they're my cousins and cousins to each other, too) came on down this morning. One innocently brought up the taboo subject - so taboo it makes cannabalism and communism seem like matter of fact casual banter in this country - of my father's past. The past is one thing you can't eat...or gum.

In the turbulent 60s, Papa John dodged the draft and fled to Canada. He wasn't even a citizen when he became a refugee. He took a Canadian wife. I don't know if he became a Canadian citizen before he became a U.S. one. If he did, then my father missed a career chance with the CIA. I know you have to be U.S. born, but my father could have got in just by his resume of incognito-ness. Before he even laid down roots in America's gay brother, Nixon said all liberal and pussy draft dodgers are welcomed back and my father up-rooted from a suburb of Toronto.

I don't know what he did after that. I would say that he's been lying through his teeth, but where the hell are his teeth! He really is the Pilsbury Dough Boy.

RAISENSU!!!!MASHO~

This semester I have been teaching two Japanese girls how to drive. Appearently in Japan it's rediculously expensive to get a drivers lisence so most people never get it. Today I took one of the girls to the DMV to take her drivers test. To be honest I think I was more nervous then she was when she was doing the test but she's a natural and I didn't have anything to worry about. She got her lisence and I gotta say I'm feeling pretty proud. I guess it's sort of like a parental thing but obviously I'm not a parent. So I've come up with a plan to compensate.

Things to do:
1. Find a family
2. Kill the parents
3. Takeover roll of parents
6. Neglect kids
32. Use kids' college fund on hookers and booze
4. Kick kids out of the house
19. Through a party

And that's how I threw a party in my own home. Damn kids ate all the cereal o (>.<) O

Magnified up close in a pickle jar, is the last hope the world has

The purpose of this blog post is to experiment with a photo idea. Let's see if it works

The Netgear WGR614 V6 router is the biggest piece of shit I have ever attempted to interact with. Ever.

This router is such an unbelievable piece of shit. If I start a download, the router loses connection and becomes completely unresponsive until physically reset. Congratulations Netgear, you've won. I thought I was getting a deal when I saw your flashy router on sale. Little did I know I was really paying you to fuck me in the ass and cripple my entire goddamn connection. Thanks. On second thought, fuck you netgear. FUCK YOU.

It makes me so mad that it will be worth losing thirty dollars just to break this piece of shit with a brick and stomp on the pieces.

You stay classy, buttfaces.

This photoke is over.. I know it's not a contest, but Hangley Joe is for damn sure the winner.

Doing the best with what I have.

I know Thursday's Child introduced a great number of you to David Bowie so I was compelled to share my new love YouTube.com. At first I thought it was a useless thing for idiots to showcase their dumbass videos until NPR told me it was a good place for music.

Sign up, it is pretty amazing. I have yet to stump it(with popular) searches.

Everyone who knew me circa 2000 knows this video because I once skipped school to record the David Bowie music video hour that occurred back when MTV2 actually played music videos.

If any of this makes sense I will be amazed. I am drunk for the first time in days and it is hitting me hard.

Blog Blog Linkvolution

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lyz0yRUK5ko&search=dailyshow

It's kinda long but well worth it. The Daily show debates evolution vs. creative design. The gentleman will like the ending and matchschtick will like the part with Kurt Vonnegut....maybe.....enjoy ^_^

:(|) mmmmmonkey

Behold my true form, and despair!

You ask, and you shall receive!?

-Oke re-re-re-constructionism

The suffix has seen more events than Italy has seen formal governments, but they all occurred while you were away so let me give you a quick rundown on the lowdown. No matter the theme, time, place, rules or members in attendance only a couple of core rules have survived them all. These are not so much rules, but similarities that tie them together as any rule tends to bring out the rage against the machine-listening, alcohol-fueled, society-rejecting, dangerous, anarchist in even your most somber(possibly sober) Oke-er.

1. You can participate or show up and not participate. Really any amount of cooperativeness has been sketchy at best with a few exceptions.

2. It is another excuse to drink or not to, whatever. Like anybody needed one.

3. Hijacking something with something else has been done before, turns out nobody really cares.

So your seemingly deviant act of not participating or doing something else really isn't all that revolutionary.

That being said I now plan to fan the flames of discontent! Brandon wishes to oppress you with a photoke theme that he knew you would hate! Stand up for yourself! Rise up! Embrace the hate! Down with el Brando!

What valentine's day means to me

That about sums it up. Don't you wish you had a valentine as cool as this? Happy V-Day y'all!!

Boycott-Oke?

Are you all having a sit-in from photoke in honor of black history month? I, for one, am not. Oh and like I said before, I remade the classic Dr. Dice. If only Kyle Paulsen(might not have been him that I'm thinking of?) was here to play it for hours and get pissed when he can never win. I am only linking this game again because some of you ADMITTEDLY do not look more than one post down, and we had a lot of posts today.

Disorienting insomnia

There is no better side effect to a medication than lying in bed while the world spins and not being able to sleep. Witness my transformation from man with a sore back to man with paranoid sleep deprivation delusions.

...and those limey eyes, they were eyeing the prize, some people'd call manly footwear...

I am going to start up a pirate radio station over the internet. RADIO DOOMLAZOR WILL ROX YOUR SOLE!

London Homesick Blues by Gary P. Nunn is the first song I ever memorized.

A hotlink to windows media that has mummies eating trash to the tune of electronic jazz

linktards

http://loljesus.com/category/gay/

the other sections are funny too

I got a Photoke for Ya'all

Let's attack others and get attacked. No peace or tolerance. How about we draw a doomlazer member in a way much like those cartoons of the Prophet. I got the inspiration from the reactions of Muslims to those drawings of the Prophet.

I'm going to make a cartoon about the Prophet Hangley only because he lives closest to my house and I don't want anyone to have to drive too far to commit arson.

Your soul is mine

I re-made an old calculator game using advanced VB.net technology! Enjoy!

Happy Lincoln Day!

Honest Abe would be 197 today. Later I'll tell everyone why Vice President Dick Cheney's friend didn't die when Cheney shot him in the face with a shotgun. I am after all a skeet champion.

Rub a penny 16 times for good luck! May 1/4 of your children survive to become adults!

it's photoke ya'll

well have fun kids...i'm going back to sleep

Something of relevance?

If you are using trillian as your primary chat program please close it and update yo' icq and aim thing.(it comes up automatic) If you don't the consequences will be dire.

I thought I gave up Jewelry when I gave up Catholocism

Some cities have started requiring sex offenders to wear ankle bracelets. How can they do this? How can they do it without first testing it on animals? I know a few dogs who can't keep it in their fur. What's really funny is that these sex offenders exposed their personal information, meaning wang to the public, and not cities are forcing them to expose themselves again. This time as the predators they are.

What happened to you America? You used to be cool. Now you walk around like your shit doesn't stink. Between England and China, England has way more cameras to spy on people on the street. I think they're going for total transparency. That's what I was going for when I walked about in my clear raincoat.

And why ankle bracelet and not say, electronic cock ring? It's easier to offend someone with your wang than it is with your ankle. This isn't the 1920s!

Boycott Keeler!!!!

Abusive Obsessive-Compulsive Has To Punch Wife Exactly 20 Times

WARNING! Don't read this. You don't care. I promise you don't. One of my heroes got some bad reviews on his latest book. Levy is frequently on CBC so I got to hear him a lot and like what he has to say.

"Boycott Garrison Keillor!"

Garrison Kiellor hates on Bernard-Henri Levy's newest book. There are many reviews about this book. A lot of them (both for and against) quote this review.

A couple of point/counterpoints so you all don't have to read this long ass review about a book none of you will read written by somebody you have never listened to in the first place.

"In more than 300 pages, nobody tells a joke. Nobody does much work. Nobody sits and eats and enjoys their food. You've lived all your life in America, never attended a megachurch or a brothel, don't own guns, are non-Amish, and it dawns on you that this is a book about the French."

What did you want the book to be about? One big dinner party where everyone talks about their jobs?

"America is changing, he concludes, but America will endure. "I still don't think there's reason to despair of this country. No matter how many derangements, dysfunctions, driftings there may be . . . no matter how fragmented the political and social space may be; despite this nihilist hypertrophy of petty antiquarian memory; despite this hyperobesity - increasingly less metaphorical - of the great social bodies that form the invisible edifice of the country; despite the utter misery of the ghettos . . . I can't manage to convince myself of the collapse, heralded in Europe, of the American model."

Thanks, pal. I don't imagine France collapsing anytime soon either. Thanks for coming. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. For your next book, tell us about those riots in France, the cars burning in the suburbs of Paris. What was that all about? Were fat people involved?"

The book was not a comparison essay to France and was written before the French riots.

"Garrison Keillor is the host and writer of 'A Prairie Home Companion' and the author of 16 books. He is the editor, most recently, of an anthology titled 'Good Poems for Hard Times.'"

A writer reviewing books. Maybe that is why he is such a jerk.

I could go on all day, but this is too long already about a subject nobody else cares about. Anything I didn't write came from the New York Times website.

Rubber to Rubber and Dust to Dust

Yeah, riding a unicycle is cool, but knocking down old people on a bitchin' hog tops that. It's looking as if that come this Sunday I'll be burning rubber and making squares eat my dust. My 3 month dream of being hell on wheels is finally gonna be realized. So here's what I'm asking: who's gonna get a bike and bring mob rule to bear down on the squares? I know Andy! has a bike and that CP! has something in the works (but getting your Volks Wagon on 2 wheels does not count as a bike), and if we're only a gang of 3, I'll suggest that we're called the Unholy Trinity.

Here's are my other Gang name ideas:
1) The Posse
2) The Fabulous Nothing (for Glam Rockers only)
3) Hell's Angels (there can be 2)
4) The Nitti Sensation featuring JayBird

Well, after I get my bike I have to get a shirt that reads: If you can read this, the Bitch fell off.

Bitches, man.

Bitches.

Science vs. Religion Rd. 1

I was just thinking in the shower today, about some of the age-old debates of science vs. religion. In my fervor I compiled a list of discoveries. These discoveries would cause the debate to end in defeat for either side if they ever came about

Religion will lose if...
1. A biological/genetic cause for homosexuality is discovered(if homosexuality is genetic, it is intended by God to be this way, and so homosexuals are no longer "evil")
2. A human being is successfully cloned(this would deal a serious blow to the belief in a soul)
3. Life on other planets is discovered(pretty much would turn all of creation upside-down)
4. Hurl a rock a great distance(this will disprove Kloboism if you hurl the rock the farthest. Or does it prove it?)
5. The Midgard Serpent is found and slain before Thor can fight it, thus preventing Ragnarok.
6. Xenu is discovered to not have been a galactic tyrant, but L. Ron Hubbards car mechanic.
7. An ammendment to the Torah is discovered where Yahweh names the Palestinians as his "New Chosen People."

Science will lose if...
1. Irrefutable proof of God surfaces(a scientifically confirmed miracle)
2. The biblical end of the world comes about(those who doubt God perish in a lake of fire)
3. Life on earth is somehow destroyed, even if god doesn't exist(i.e. religion is "saved by the bell" if mankind dies out before science can win)
4. If science floats when it is thrown in the pond, it loses. If it sinks, it wins.

Of course, religion "losing" is something of a misnomer. Religion would not die out. It would simply have to change radically in the face of some disturbing discoveries, and possibly cease to exist as we know it(a cool "machine cult," like in sci-fi movies, perhaps?). Similarly, science would not cease to be. It would simply be forced to accept faith as fact. However, science has pretty much resolved not to give up. Which is why the world ending is about the only thing that would silence it. Are you the gambling type? Which of these would you bet on? It's pretty long odds for any of these happening in our lifetime.

If you are going to write a blog post you're going to have some rat feces in there.

Even I have a hard time believing that I haven't posted in 3 whole days. Generally my Hedonistic/Bohemian approach to finding facts, breaking stories and vandalism usually has an overwhelming amount of itchy remorse included. I offer no excuses. If I were truly sorry I wouldn't have done it in the first place.

I am now a fancy lad who sleeps on a fancy bed. I really didn't know what I was missing out on! I don't want to leave it in the morning and am compelled to spend good amounts of time sitting on it. Sunday night marked the last time I will fall out of my chair drunk and end up sleeping on my mail, a tape measure and a dreamcast controller. Maybe this was a decent reason to NOT sleep on a bed. Most mornings I would wake up early and am at work on time. After the responsibilities of bed ownership entered my life this has yet to happen! The upside is I don't wake up feeling terrible, so I actually get some work done! (Maybe/sometimes. When there isn't someone good on NPR getting interviewed.) Besides I still haven't thought of a good way to call in "my side hurts because I blacked out of my chair and my fingers are sore from all the cuts I got breaking glass for no good reason".

Now if I can actually get around to buying a metal spoon instead of stirring my coffee with a sharpie.

This post has met/exceeded the FDA allotment for rat feces per serving.

Muslims of the world, you had it coming......

If someone said you were violent, would you react to their criticism with violence? If you thought that something someone did was wrong, would you show your dissatisfaction by proving them right? The muslim reaction to that stupid fucking cartoon is just that. It's as if someone said they had anger problems and they replied with I DONT FUCKING HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS!!! and then punched you in the face. Seriously, by reacting with violence as they have, they have simply proven that they conform to the stereotypes of that cartoon. Way to take the low road, guys.

BWAHAHA

MUST SEE

http://www.youtube.com/w/Naruto-Idol-AMV?v=R61FiJjJ89s&search=american%20Idol

Who is above the law?

At work we are required to use a counterfeit detector pen on all large denomination bills, after we got one counterfeit one last month. So I figured, if I have to mark these bills, why not have fun with it? So I decided that I would deface the presidents on the bills with the pen. Think of it as "subverting the paradigm" a little. My favorite thing to do is to makeup the presidents in ridiculous drag.And first we see Abraham Lincoln, who could emancipate any young man's heart with his full, pouty lips. Next up is Alexander Hamilton, whose edgy emo look is "to die for." I'd duel him out of jealousy. And then we have Andrew Jackson, who looks positively stunning in 80's glam. And who wouldn't want surrender to Ulysses S. Grant in that show-stopping makeup? Last but certainly not least is Ben Franklin, with an innocent schoolgirl look sure to charm any classmate.

By the light of the night it'll all seem alright

The wiring in this apartment is shotty. So shotty that you know a union electrician wired up this place. Anytoot, the bathroom light twitches worse than me. Tonight it twitched so bad that is just went out. But PBR doesn't stop for the darkness. But I wouldn't let the darkness paint me into a tight corner. By the light of the light of my cell phone, I positioned my wang over the turlet and not a drop was missed. Hip Hip Hurray for the digital candle.

Sorry, but I don't have a photo that goes with this. Picture a worm dangling over the opened beak of a youngin bird.

I didn't have to shave.. you cavemen

haha pwnt~

I am not the grammar police, but today I made a citizen's arrest

Today a man came through the checkout at work and tried to use a coupon. The coupon entitled him to save 40 cents when, and I quote "you buy two 15 count, 40 count, or 70 count Totino's Pizza Rolls Snacks." He bought one, a 40 count, and then proceeded to tell me that he was entitled to 40 cents off. According to him, the word "two" applied only to the 15 count, and everything after the comma was fair game. I replied that this is not how adjectives work. He proceeded to ask to talk to somebody else. I told him he could, but that he would say the same thing. He told me that he knew what he was talking about, because he was a professor(of what I cannot say, I stopped listening to him.) In the end I told him "I don't care about 40 cents. I'll give you the 40 cents, but I know that you are wrong."
Our blog counts among its members an english major if I am not mistaken(a recent re-acquisition that I am pleased with.) Included as well are several college graduates, and many who listen to radio programs dealing entirely with the english language. My question is, who is right? Surely I am, just listen to what happens when you use an example similar to the coupon with an adjective other than "two."
An award is given out every year for the best black actor, singer, or writer. By this customer's logic a white singer could win this award, as could a terrible writer, Since the adjectives "best" and "black" modify only the first noun in the series. It does not apply to anything after the comma. Clearly this is simply not true.
I wonder what would happen if the situation were reversed. What if the coupon entitled him to "Free, two 15 count, 40 count, or 70 count Totino's Pizza Rolls Snacks." Would he insist that he can only get two 15 count free, and not two of the larger sizes? No, he was an idiot who hustled me for 40 cents and then had to audacity to claim that since he was some kind of teacher that his scheme to defraud me on bad grammar was justified. God that made me mad

Eye N. Eye

This character comes from the obscure movie "Freaked." It is one of a pair of tommy gun wielding rastafarian eyeballs.

Photoke

At the end of each round I'll be putting all the photos into one large post and deleting the smaller individual ones. If you have text with your photo it will also be transplanted to the bulk post so try and keep it short or break off another seperate post without the photo.

PeguinHead FootMan

The latest crap from el matchgame-o.

I drew it without lifting my pen!

Electric Front Elevator Moon Man

I have no idea why, but I drew the moon stabbing the sun! Sorry, I don't have a blue pen and my camera just ran out of batteries so you get this crappy washed out picture.

Yes, I realize the moon has a rather peculiar anatomy. -_-

prepare for burnination!!

Just wanted to say how hard it was taking the pictures for this one. I'm left handed so I had to draw on my right arm. Now camera's are made so that the right hand is taking the picture, so having the drawing on the right arm just complicated things. But whatever, I'm hungry now.

Now we need some fucking bitches to clean this shit up.

PHOTOKE YAY!

I'll explain how I did it to make it easier for others to copy. These steps are not instructions on how to do your picture, just what I did.

1. I shaved my arm.
2. I stole my tattoo idea from a cartoon.
3. I drew a tattoo on my arm with a blue ballpoint pen.

Hotlink to a clip of the show I used for inspiration.

An official decree.

Erupt into a bev-RAGE tonight in Kenosha with me. Mixed drink-oke is going to go down tonight even if it is just Ryan and myself drinking disgusting concoctions. All are urged to attend and participation is not mandatory as I really didn't give any notice. I have pretty much any tools anyone could need. Come over pretty much any time as I will be here pretty much all day.

Don't forget to rock!

Break & Enter

Enjoy a video of some bottle breaking hijinx! And now for a limited time, cups too!! View them both and despair!!! It sucks that I can only link the directory itself, but you guys aren't morons and can find it. Attempts to link directly to the movie all fail because for some reason the URL of the file changes at random. Also, enjoy the random pic of the day!

Par for course just as when you were living

The results...finally! And the winner is....................
#1: Immune
#2: Mad Croc

I don't go to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth.

My plan for an -oke is Mixed Drink-oke.

Rules are simple, bring what you need to make any mixed drink. After the initial tasting, we can just drink and eat ingredients separately like we usually do.

The Webtender is a good place to look for recipes.

I will suggest holding the -oke here because we have a decent kitchen and a limited set of drinking tools. Not to mention our bar, jukebox, dart board and pool table.

The date will be anytime we can agree upon. I prefer tomorrow, but I realize this is short notice. The sooner the better.

I will make you all a caipiroska.

EDIT:
I feel bad for everyone who cannot attend so I am going to hire someone to transcribe this on the IM client of your choice. I will bring the olde laptop into the kitchen and spill things on it and end up breaking a chair over my stenographer for ruining my computer. It will be the best night ever.

P.S. My grandmother can beat up your grandmother and it's her birthday today. 65 years old and better than you.

And we shall call it...PHOTOKE!!!

With the recent success of everyone participating in a photo themed post, me and copilot think that this should be a weekly thing. Each week each blogger should submit there photo for the theme of the week. There are only a few rules so there won't be any confusion during this transition.

1. Themes will be done sort of alphabetically, as in for the first week everyone should take a picture of something that starts with the letter A, second week is B and so on and so forth.

2. Each blogger should also be in the picture with the theme.

3. Each blogger is allowed to submit only one picture. Although I think that there might be times when you might want to post more then once, I think it would be better if we limit this. If you do have a bunch of pictures I don't see the harm in posting them onto our flickr group account.


This idea is only a rough draft so your feedback is wanted. Please let me know what you all think and please give your ideas on what should be changed or added.

:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:EDIT:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:

I've been thinking about how successful the latest photo-themed posted (inspired by Kaicho) have been and do I really want to take away from that. Why change the format that already works. So this is what I came up with.

1. Each week will be assigned to one of the blogger. To avoid complication we will just do this in alphabetical order (Andy!, anzarokku, CP, el matchgame-o, gentleman jackass, Hangly Joe, Kaicho, and Rikkuri).

2. When it is your week you can take a picture of whatever you want, be it yourself, an object, yourself with an object, go crazy with this and do whatever you want.

3. The rest of the bloggers will have to do their best to try and emulate the picture that you have provided as well as putting their own spin on it.


Please let me know which of the two you guys want to do.

Wait for me, I have no camera.

If the camera really added ten pounds I wouldn't be able to get out of the chair.



I will buy a camera soon.

Will you partake of that last offered cup?

The market is flooded with energy drinks, all competing for your dollar(and your soul.) But is one any different than another? To find out, we held a blind taste test. Not just any blind taste test, the blindest taste test ever!!

Here are the contestants. From left to right we have rip-it(#1), lucky 7(#2), focus(#3), immune(#4), and mad-croc(#5). For our test we would select a random two of these five. Here's why I called it the blindest ever. Andy has never before tasted any of these drinks. The test is to see whether Andy could identify which of these drinks he was drinking, based solely on the look of each drink and his own mental image of what each drink should taste like.

The two drinks would inhabit these two vessels, so that their identity would remain secret. My Ryan cup(#1) and Andy's UFCW cup(#2). The cups were filled and Andy was invited to drink. Alton Brown once said that our nose is located right in front of our face for a good reason: to help us find things to eat. Here Andy demonstrates the importance of smell in taste decisions by applying this primitive yet crucial sense to the drinks.

He drinks first from cup #1.And then cup #2. Expect an animated gif or slideshow of these two pics later, because I know it would be hilarious.

But what were the results? If they all tasted the same, then Andy's guess was essentially random, right? The answer will appear in tomorrow's post. But suffice it to say that he got one of the two right. Post your comments with your own predictions as to which drink was in which cup.

*EDIT* It just occured to me that this contest may not have been about the drinks at all. Andy could have based his guess entirely on what he thought I was going to put in those cups. It could have just been a contest between us. But he has promised to reveal the motives behind his guessing tomorrow. Stay tuned!

These all belong on flickr

Maybe a little late to jump in on the bandwagon, but you'd never know from the timestamps }:)

I think I fucked it up.

VICTORY!

I don't have any photoshop and mspaint was being a bitch.

Expect an -oke theme tomorrow to be implemented this weekend. Don't worry, my theme requires little to no preparation.

All I can say in response to any future posts about me is that I am half-right. You will appreciate these stats more later.

The way to hell is... RIGHT HERE!

Oh the humanity.

Bonus material: Second to last video on the page.

Do not question the work of the lord.

A downfall of living here in faulty towers is the number of times baptists attempt to recruit me. The silver lining is I get to tell a pretty funny story about it. And then I get sad again when I realize this will show the world how much I drink. Sest La Vizz.

For the third time since I have been back from the last Florida trip baptists have been at my door trying to convince me to go to church. Every time this happens I feel really awkward. Not because I'm atheist and don't need any more imaginary friends than I already have, lest one named Jesus. No I am always feeling off because whenever they show up I am either 1. very drunk 2. in the process of getting very drunk and wondering why people are bothering me; or tonight's example 3. coming home from the bottle shop with a liter of rum under my arm. This is a very bad feeling. Imagine the scene...

It's in the trashed hallway of our apartment building. I'm just getting back from a laundry and booze run and want nothing more that to watch Mr. Show reruns and drink rum. 5(!!!! most of the time there is only 2) good baptists approach me with pamphlets and a small rehearsed speech. They judged me, you know they did. I quickly brush them off politely as I can muster and fight my keys for 5 or so minutes panicking, trying like hell to get away from them and into my apartment.

Special Features Alternate Ending:
I tell them I am a Calvinist and secretly believe that most Eastern religions are the ones who have it right and every miracle they have witnessed or heard about was just their ancestors trying to win them over with miracles not counting on them blaming an imagined god for them.

Well now, I've offended several different religions with childish remarks I believe I will move on to minorities and women.

Waiter rant has a peculiar post about the different type of people who order different kinds of drinks. Being a primarily beer drinker with rum and coke as my usual mixed drink(at bars, at home I'm all hard liquor). I had to take a certain amount of offense to the remarks made by the things he listed. I have never been arrested. I am not a lady.

Quote:
"Rum and Coke: You've been arrested for assault once or twice."

"Beer: Blue collar, simple, and an old standby. (I think a girl wearing a t-shirt and jeans while drinking a good 'ol Bud is very sexy.)"

You may not want it, but I have my interpretation of the "Subvert the dominant paradigm" shirt:
I think it is a counter-culture shirt that is a distant cousin to the old "question authority" shirt. Break it down! As I see it on the shirt subvert does not really mean "behind the scenes" but more like a synonym to submission(not like a book submission to a publisher, more like a dominatrix forcing someone into submission). And paradigm I think means something like "the accepted school of thought" or "an assumed set of rules". So to subvert the dominant paradigm means something like "I hate it because it is the majority" or "rebel against anything anyone tries to tell you". You could see "question authority" is the same thing as "subvert the dominant paradigm" but the inverse is not true because "question authority" is a specific example of subverting the dominant paradigm(which is vague). So the shirt is an ironic(or perhaps a belief that anything popular cannot be good) joke on all other political and social shirts/sayings by phrasing in many big words "insert cause here".

To retract from yesterday I am not going to Florida just yet Apparently the boss-man has to deliver some things and set other things up. It would appear that I am here for just a little longer and we all have to cope with my idiotic bullshit for more than we all hoped for. Be strong, but cautious. I intend on really stepping up my drinking and internet usage before I am cut off for several months.

I'll have my Kaicho-themed photo up tomorrow, I haven't decided how to do it yet.

Smelling bad, signing off and apologizing for such a long post,
Andy

EDIT:
I have so much to say and such a limited amount of time.

I weighed myself yesterday and found that I am 10 pounds short of my average. Thank you weight watchers. I went from a tubby 155 to a trim 145 without even realizing it. Today I weighed in at 146, so I am slowly getting it back. If it turns out to be as sporadic as I hope it will I will continue to update my weight. The rules are simple, I take my weight at 5:00pm or whenever I get home from work and try to follow the fluctuation.

Thank you and god bless america.