Na, na na na nananana..................

Rolling is soothing. Rolling is relaxing. I can find inner peace when I am rolling. If only others could share in this state of zen. If only I could roll you all up and you could see what I am talking about. I wanna roll you up into my life. They say rolling is better together. If you are interested in rolling with me, roll a comment out. My plan is to get something rolled up for Saturday, but I need more things to roll up. Like you guys.

Andy IS Itchy Remorse

Who can deny it? I'm just saying what we all know. The dip in participation in the blog since Andy left was immediate and dramatic. Shameful, really. I know you people look at this blog still when he is gone. Why not post? Hats off to CP for trying to keep this thing alive. But while you are the brains of Itchy Remorse, Andy is the heart.

All to myself

The good things about Andy not being here:

1) I no longer need to wear clothing during the day
2) I can keep alcohol for myself, other than scotch
3) I can use all the hot water when I shower
4) I don't live in fear of broken furniture
5) I can resume my mission of having sex on every piece of furniture here with nothing to stand in my way

The bad things about Andy not being here

1) This place is way too big for just me
2) No more drunken discussions on theology
3) I have to get my own music/movies
4) I have to invite my own guests if I want company

I'll stab ya!

I was driving to work a few days ago when I was pulled over for speeding. I was with a co-worker who has been hitching a ride, so with the best straight face and voice I could muster I turned to him and said, "Mike, they've found me. I killed a man and they're taking me to jail. Call my mom from my cell phone and tell her to call the lawyers.". He started laughing but moments later, the officer came back and asked me to step out of the car.

They caught me. After all this time.. They found me.

I was arrested for driving on a suspended license. How awesome is that? It's been suspended since MARCH(I have put close to 13k miles on my car since march, across three states.). I received no notice. I'm told it's an emissions violation but of the two trucks I have owned that were possibly violating, one is sold and the other has been classified as inoperable due to the transmission. I'll find out on Monday which vehicle is supposedly offending and get it all fixed... But still.. since March with no notice whatsoever? I could have been pulled over five hundred miles from home and had to sit in jail five hundred miles from help instead of five.. what the fuck.

On a side note, the police were very friendly about the whole thing, and it could have been a lot worse. I can't say I enjoy having my photo and fingerprints on file where a minor database fuckup could really put me in the shit, but what can I do about it?

I didn't really learn to make a shank or get to meet any prison rapists. But I have to admit I've been making shit up about being in jail ever since.

Keep-sakes

We are all guilty of something. Me, I love too much. You, you love me too much. Andy, he's guilty of being addicted to CAT scans (Meow indeed). Tomorrow he'll be returning to the scene of his crime - the wang of the US - Florida. He's extraditing himself to hostile territory because he believes so much in the idea that people who live in a swamp should have personal power plants. I'm interested to see if he will be able to walk the line between money grubbing doctors and people who hate having to reset their clocks. I have doubts and worries, but I also have faith.

Keep him in your hearts. Keep him in your prayers. Keep on keeping on.

Ira Glass should devote a show to you.

Droppin Like Physics

The new Jeremy Hardcore (Mad Dog) album is about to debut - and just in time for Christmas. I heard some leaked new beats earlier today. Here's a smaple of the sample I heard.
"If assholes had wings this place would be an airport."
Oh, Mad Dog, you are a national treasure, not like that Mya Angelou. I tried getting home as quick as I could so I wouldn't forget some of the other gems, but I fucked up. His music sounds like he's doing Madlibs with himself.

If you're wondering what to get for that special some one - that convict friend of yours, that friend with hermitizing working hours, that friend who needs background music when he play Stratego - stuff his or her stocking with some Hardcore.

The boundaries of language I quietly cursed

I thought of something the other day when I sent an instant message to Andy, who is only 3 feet away on the other side of less than an inch of drywall. Technology has not brought us closer together at all. The wonders of the information age have not really made communication any easier or better. If anything it has allowed us to isolate ourselves more and continue our communication from farther away. While people may be calling, texting, blogging, and all sorts of other things, very few people actually talk to each other anymore. Not that I care. I'm a misanthrope who trusts nobody, so I'm more than happy to isolate myself and carry out all my doings electronically. Hell, it would be awesome if I didn't even need a body. I guess my point is that people who say that new technology has brought us together are liars. We may communicate more, and with more people, but we are more disant now than ever before.

Harry Potter doesn't exist!

I've got enough vodka in me right now to fuel a formula 1 racer so I feel it's time I posted. I also think this to mean that the world somehow revolves around me.

In addition to being paranoid, drunk and a dangerous moron; I am also the most impressionable idiot the world has ever known. I watched "Walk The Line"(and yes, it was the second best thing to ever happen to me(second to "Cabin Boy")) and was moved to the most emotional state I have ever been in. I went to all my favorite illegal download sites to illegally download "Walk The Line" so I might watch it again over and over several times, but alas it wasn't to be. Nobody has ripped it illegally yet and to this I say what the fuck is wrong with everybody?! The inter nets would rather watch a bootlegged copy of "Harry Potter Fucks Himself With A Dirty Tire Iron" than a bootlegged copy of "Johnny Cash Totally Owns You!". There were seriously 6+ shitty theatre rips of HP and NONE of JC.

Always remember, these colours don't run!

There is no god. Anyone can submit to "this I believe". You don't have to be Penn Jillette.

Stupid fucking title.

This is about Johnny Cash. I will be watching Walk The Line later tonight. As a life-long Cash fan I more than need to see this movie. In tow will be your favorite SIU student and possibly a Japanese girl who is terrified of me(the regrets from my Carbondale trip come back to haunt me). It's not Cabin Boy(the greatest movie of all time) but it shall prove entertaining as is known to exploit the more explosive and disastrous events of JC's life and illicit love. If you are poor I will pay your way. I am rich as fuck because I don't pay my bills. Contact me through the usual channels.

A siren just went off here in Kenosha that I don't know what to do about. It may be a test or it may imply disaster. I believe the recent paranoia caused by the world's many disasters has caused even small-city Kenosha to up it's security. Oblivious to the world outside of NPR I have not the slightest clue as to what that siren meant. Is it a tornado, a hurricane, space monsters, Muslim rebels intend to firebomb Infosino's because they tire of delicious sandwiches of American rule, Lake Michigan is scheduled to rise up in a gigantic tsunami that will engulf Kenosha and the surrounding 6 counties? My steps to save myself and others... none at all. Ghandi tells me to let things happen to me.

A short note about This American Life and the various blogs of soldiers. Ira Glass has been all up in my face about the war in Iraq over the last couple of episodes and I don't like it. Last night it was readings from blogs of people who are fighting in Iraq. I absolutely love blogs people write about their jobs, but I cannot take the soldier in combat ones. I have done my best to ignore the blogs of soldiers as I have tried to read them before and they only make me nervous. Most of the posts are great, about high level hijinx that can only be pulled off by a soldier in a warzone messing with his comrades. The downside is of course if the guy skips a day of posting I automatically assume he has died. So, if you are a soldier in a warzone do not write about it for me to read. It will only make me thing you less than invincible and make me realize that we are a nation at war. My daily life says otherwise so stop confusing me.

The new guest bedroom(sorry for all the pics)

Our new guest bed has arrived! The most utilitarian piece of furniture, the futon! We should get our mattress tomorrow for it. In the meantime......

The photo tour part 2

You should probably read the post below so this one makes more sense. Bah, whatever. My room has a huge closet! And it has a water heater. If you look closely, the t shirts on the left are arranged in color order like at salvation army.Our bathroom is much larger, and features both hot AND cold running water.The majesty of Andy's Ronrico angel atop our xmas tree.
Yes, we store explosives in our kitchen. What of it?

The tour, part 1

It's the photo post! Enjoy a photo tour of our new apartment, those who haven't been yet. It starts as you enter the apartment and turn to see our kitchen and the hall.

Turning right you see the living room, complete with christmas tree.Down the hall, the first door on the right is Andy's room. Bed soon to come.

Second door on the right is my room. Better knock first!

I'm like a chocoholic except for I like booze instead of chocolate. I guess that makes me a boozaholic.

Yeah, I stole a line from the Onion. You wanna fight about it? HUH?

The weather went insane. Today driving from my mom's house I was in a total white-out like I have never been in before. I was going along at 20mph and could see nothing but snowflakes and uhhh... more different shaped snowflakes. I was so tense you couldn't drive a pin up my asshole with a sledgehammer(forgive the coarse language; I only have limited time here on Earth. The day after thxgivn (or perhaps the day after) I embark for the other-world known to laymen as South Florida.) I have a bad shock on my Lincoln(passenger-side front-end) and was all over the place. My fear is not of dying because I don't think you can do that at 20 miles per hour, but of racking up my classic vehicle.

Today I got to listen to a lot of radio and I got to hear some pretty fucked up shit. The temp at O'Hare went from 37 to 23(Fahrenheit) within my shift. All those who are familiar with winter training know that this is too damned fast. When I rise tomorrow I will likely wear 3 to 4 sets of clothing just to combat the 50something to 20 something weather. All the while counting my blessings and wondering what are they doing here(don't even comment GJ).

CRAZY VIDEO I MADE...

Just look... It's so weird the things that happens during server patches. The online gaming world has shared it's girth of irregularities, and this is one that I just couldn't pass up. So.... I made a short video of it. Enjoy, it's kinda entertaining.

http://files.filefront.com/patchtimewmv/;4360638;;/fileinfo.html

All these days off are making me uneasy.

Today is my third day off from work(read: I don't work on weekends so I have been off for 5 days now). Every night I go to sleep expecting to work and every morning I get a call on a work issued cell phone telling me not to come in. What a dangerous thing! I will most likely spend most of today in a state of paranoia concerning my future as someone who is among the gainfully employed. I may have shaved my beard off too soon.

It breaks down like this: I get a day off(unexpected) and spend it getting drunk as quickly as possible, I then get the "drunk-paranoia", lastly I drink enough to quell the paranoia and replace it with vomit. This destructive process takes no prisoners and leaves no winners. So do your part and employ me.

SWM seeking gainful employment. Skills are non-existent(it's a wonder I can tie my shoes). Hobbies include drinking, constructing conspiracy theories and smoking. Employer must not be concerned with hygiene, punctuality or even believe themselves safe from grievous injury caused by me or my negligence. Don't bother contacting my references because I already threatened them and their families if they didn't say nice things about me.

**************************************************
Our new apartment may not be nice but it is big and cheap. What a smooth combination!

Thank god it was red #40 instead

Saturday, as I got up off the toilet after using it, I noticed a cloud of red liquid in the bowl. I freaked out rather hard, thinking that I may be dying and in need of immediate medical attention. Then I look closer. It turns out that a red licorice snap had fallen out of my pocket and into the bowl. The dye was leaking out of it, and this is what was dying my urine red. Not blood. Not yet, at least. Sad to think that that is really the most interesting thing that has happened in the past few weeks.

I can't see why you'd want to live here

Finally!! A lot of shit has gone down between mine and Andy's last post and this one. WE moved out of slumlord town, and into paradise. At least, now that the internet is back it is paradise. But anything was better than that place. The final straw that pushed us out was when the electricity got disconnected. Those who were following our plight might remember the two times our hot water was disconnected, but cold showers is one thing. No internet, alarm clocks, television, refrigerator or microwave is another. It was out for two weeks and for all we know it's still out there. We moved to a nice, large apartment. It's so much better than the old one. We actually have a living room! The landlord and building manager are Russians. Maybe once the dust settles I'll throw up some pics of the place. I lost my girlfriend. So it goes. Transitions, man. It's all about transitions.

BREAK YO FACE

Hey guys just wanted to let you guys know I'll probably be bringing some international friends home with me over the break. I know some of them want to go to Chicago at some point so I'm sort of counting on the people who know the city better then me to either come along or let me know of some stuff to do. I'm sure they want to do typical tourist stuff but there's got to be other stuff that normal tourist don't see and do. Well anyways I should be home a week and I'm looking forward to seeing you all....well all except Bill.....he smells >.<

Hint: Trenches

Now I'm not one who believes in omens or voodoo or peace on earth, but something spooky happened this morning. I got out of bed at 11:11. Somebody tell me why this is important. The sacred reason, not the usurped one.

For those in the military this should be an easy one. Same for those history majors. And same for anybody not a featherhead.

Both barrels RIGHT IN THE CHA CHA!

For fucks sake, is it really going to take (of all people) ME to post something? That's truly depressing, as I am nearly the laziest of you all. Since I have nothing to talk about, I'll just say that my new job is going well although extremely stressful. The rest of this post will be cut short buy food, and the act of me eating it. Terribly sorry.

P.S. Thanks to Kaicho for putting Knights (Nights.. whatever) of Fire in the WoW video, made my day.