It's a Halloween Miracle

I was recently at my local liquor store about to purchase my usual bottle of wild turkey when all of a sudden the shop clerk approached me demanded that I hand over the bottle to her. My first reaction was to tell her to get her own bottle but reluctantly I complied. To my surprise after I gave her the bottle she handed me a box that had a bottle of wild turkey plus a free gift of two glass cups. I was so happy when I found this out and proclaimed that this truly was a Halloween miracle.


*BONUS* here's some pictures...I have more but this is all you're getting.

Recapturing Candy Coated Youth

I went Trick-or-Treating today with my nieces and Hangley Joe. I wore a sheet over my head to hide my age and tried to pass myself off as a 13 year old. (My costume was "Ghost Cowboy.") The very first house I went to exposed my folly. The old lady said, "Oh, and Mom's here too," referring to me. I laughed and said I was a sister, but I doubt she believed me. I suck. I continued to go to each house with the little ones, but I only held my bag out occasionally. My spirit was broken. It is so unfair that people look down on "adults" acting like children. Why can't everyone enjoy the candy hunt equally? Hangley makes the valid point that there would be no one left to pass out the treats, but I'm sure that problem can be overcome with bowls of candy outside every house. It would be like a giant candy exchange! Anyway, I went home with only the very bottom of my bag barely covered. This year was a bit of a failure. I need to be shorter next year. I'll work on that. Maybe I'll cut off my feet.

Kaicho's 2nd video of Warcraft

Just made it last night... enjoy.

http://files.filefront.com/Euth_Anasia_BGwmv/;4294293;;/fileinfo.html

Necrophilio's character is the one named Reveries~
We kill ppl for fun on there... moohaha...

that is all. [end comment or else wtfpwnageokthxbyehi2u]

Awkward Japanese Conversation

At a recent party I was holding in my dorm room there were some people their that don't understand everything that comes up in conversation. For some reason or another some guy brought up the word shocker (hand gesture included). The three Japanese girls attending all look at me and in unison said in broken English "sha-ka?". At first I tried explaining in English but nothing was getting through, so then I had to try my best with the limited Japanese I know. Thanks to Ebichu I had the necessary vocabulary needed to explain it. After it was all done I knew that this would be the first of many awkward conversations to come.

Kaicho is making music...

www.sparaz.com then go to Downloads... Me and my buddy here at vandenberg (of which we went through tech. school and what not together) have started to make more music and post it on his newly created website... will be doing a few other cool things, and don't forget to check out the brand new video of the Titan4 Missle launch that I provided security for... I won't even discuss how long the hours were for it.

It makes me a sad panda to think about the time spent securing it.

IT'S TRAFALGAR DAY.

DRINK ADMIRAL NELSON RUM NOW!

"Shut up!? You fucking shutup!"

The concert was pretty dope, high performance and deserving of a review. Not a review from me, I don't know shit about music. I'll give a short rundown on what Frank Jones thought.

Tonight's playlist was Veda, The Bled, Underoath and Thrice. I think I was tricked into listening to Christian music at some point, but whatever. OH! and the show was all-ages, but that didn't affect me as much as I thought it would. I was basing my assumptions of people younger than me on my brothers who are both taller and weigh more than me. I was bigger than everyone there! The bouncer was throwing them out 3 at a time with no trouble. In short should there ever be a fight between me and an eigth grader; I will win!

I'll try to keep to Frank Jones' words as closely as possible.

VEDA:
Before they played:"This band is terrible. It is lead by a girl and they think that makes them cool. She is all 'I love you' keyboard 'I love you' guitar 'why don't you love me?' keyboard again.(Frank hates keyboards) Look at them down there sitting down just waiting to suck.(we were in the balcony)"

After they played:"That what was listenable(not my word). What did you think?(Something like this I cannot remember the exact wording)" I said I liked them and I did. Sounded like a strange combination of Bjork and something that resembled melody, but then everything played at the rave can be thought of like this because it sucks and sounds horrible. Stupid fucking Eagle Ballroom.

(I just invented a scoring system)Worst or best; 1 being best 4 being worst of the night. Frank:4 Andy:1

THE BLED:
No real interesting commentary here.

Best or worse: Frank:2 Andy:2

UNDEROATH:
After they played:"They played a couple of song's I never heard before. I was afraid they would suck, but they didn't and this made me happy. I think more people came to see Underoath than Thrice and Thrice is the headliner."

"Must have been the Christ-love" I said.

Frank so then did say "Yeah, I was uncomfortable with that part."

Worst or best: Frank:1 Andy:4

THRICE:
Before they played:"I hate it when guys wear girl's pants, if I had a dollar for every time I seen a guy wearing girl's pants I would be rich."

I said "I think you would have about $800."

"Exactly." says Frank.

After they played:"The songs I liked I really liked and the rest were horrible. It is about half and half."
*Let me note they had 3 keyboards and one song with an acoustic guitar. The acoustic guitar almost drove FJ to rage.*

Worst or best: Frank:3 Andy:3

This scoring system just made me realize how much I hate Frank Jones.

This was yet another fucked up learning session for what my metal band is going to sound like. Anzarokku, you are to be the bass guitar. By that I mean you are going to stand at a microphone and in your lowest voice say "chugga chugga chugga". My metal band will do nothing but covers, but I want to cover songs I like. Expect things like Regina Spector's "Carbon Monoxide" but with me just screaming the lines and anzarokku yelling "chugga chugga chugga" in his lowest voice.

SHUTUP

The blog has been blowing up lately. Good job. I for one look forward to a Justin post. I doubt it will have photos.

The servant screamed "ALWAYS WEAR BLACK!"(this one was edited drunk, let us all hold hands and pray that it makes a shred of sense)

I realize this is 3 weeks late, but I was in Florida for 7 weeks and then at my grandpa's for almost 2 so fuck you! It took me a long time just to catch up on the webcomic world(which I have not yet completely done), so suck my cock you "i-only-regard-recent-news-as-news-because-old-news-is-
the-opposite-of-new-the-core-word-of-news"
mother fuckers.

Back on topic; my favorite NPR show has disbanded(last show was September 30, 2005). Odyssey meant a lot to me on all my very long times driving at work and had fallen in love with Gretchen Helfritch and the concept of so many people named Gretchen on NPR. I am right now crying as I listen to the last episode.

I guess I have to find a new radio personality to fall in love with. Let's all hope it isn't Jarome McDonnell.

The Beautfiul People or The Manager as a Quasi-Pedophile

Something occured to me at work today, as someone handed in an application. We have very few unattractive people working at my job. There may be average ones, but very few uglies. I asked myself, why? The short answer is that there is discrimination in our hiring practices, because many unattractive people have applied. But is there more to it than that? I came up with a few other possible factors:

1. Attractive people are somehow better at their job.
2. Because we hire mostly young people, it stands to reason that they will be more attractive, since age tends to bring ugliness.
3. Attractive people, because of past discrimination at other jobs, have a better work history/resume.
4. Attractive people have better social skills, and so they do better in interviews

Although it's probably just the discrmination, and my manager being a quasi-pedophile. But even if we agree that it is discrmination, I ask you this: If you were a manager, would someone's appearance be a factor in your decision to hire? I dare you to say no, and make yourself a liar. I just rhymed there, hardcore. I think the truth is that attractive people will generally have an easier time doing everything, because they do get favoritism and positive discrimination. It's sad but true. Woe be to the uglies that must find work! That must feel like a kick in the nuts, losing out to someone less qualified because they were prettier. Of course, I could go even deeper and relate this to a shift in our entire culture from performance to image, and cite the Kennedy/Nixon debate like so many textbooks do. But you are all pretty intelligent people, and I'm sure you made that leap yourselves.

The irony of this article is that I myself discriminated in a way in the beginning by using the word "uglies."

He Grew Up So Fast. What's a Boy Suppose to Do?

So, Justin, how's the new job?

I still say some of us are too beautiful to work. And, then again, some of us are me.

This loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration.

A couple things real quick, because the first people I asked failed me(didn't give me a definite answer or one that was contrary to mine).

1. Which would you prefer to be called "terrorist" or "rebel"? I say the terms are interchangeable, but one of them has to be better. I lean toward terrorist as it would imply a specialty and that I was good at something. Also you can be a terrorist all on your own! I think a rebel needs other people.

2. What is the opposite of "shock force" and what are it's relative ratios to shock force? I think it is applied force, but I am wrong more times than you can count on your extremities.

3. I am going to the Eagle Ballroom(though I hate the place) on Thursday and down to Bran-Bran's on Friday. You are welcome to join in. I fucking love my job, I decided to do both of these things within the last 24 hours.

In conclusion; I expect answers, so give unto me!

Good Lord, I have no idea what I am doing!

Playing with a telecom splice. Caveman work. Looking it over and spitting. Afterwords we lifted up some heavy rocks and threw them at things.

I can't believe a blind woman took better pictures than me. God-fucking-damn.

I spent 70% of my time in the south cleaning my fingernails.

And they still remain dirty.

Professed intentions and real intentions.

THE DRUMMER FOR DEF LEOPARD HAS ONLY GOT ONE ARM! And so does this dog.

The friend of my enemy is my enemy as well.

Good afternoon!

These are muscovy ducks in their natural habitat(a motel parking lot looking for handouts) being all ducklike and shit. I assume the black one is a male as he was taller and there was only one male but two females. Y'know traditional duck shit. It is a little blurry because I couldn't keep the lens clear of water as it rains quite a lot in Florida with no foreboding dark clouds and not for very long. The rest of the pictures I took are all pretty shitty so I won't bother to post them. I do have a pair of movies taken with the same camera. One of hurricane Katrina and the other is of the ducks(again with the ducks).

Florida Grandma Barbie took some pictures of me while I was down there but I won't post them because (actually I looked at them again and they are hilarious) they are of me sitting on something and smoking or standing next to some doctor. Really they could have been taken here and nobody would know the difference.


This picture was taken in front of some customers I hate. I hated them so much that I wouldn't let the 'usband buy me a drink. Fuck them with splintered balsa wood. I forgot their names except for the wife, who is named Candy. Eat shit and die Candy and nameless husband.

Not bad at all for a legally blind woman behind the lens. She took most pictures without me knowing about it so I didn't realize that I spend most of my time trying to look hard as fuck with safety glasses on. This looks like a failed James Dean movie poster. "Rebel on a Rock". Florida, Florida Grandma Barbie and sitting around rock!

I kill your baby today

All right, I confess. When Andy was gone my enthusiasm for the blog waned. I shyed away from posting even when I had decent material. Well, no more! Today you get all the things I thought about posting but didn't!

We all know of a person who has a "porn star" sounding name. A couple weeks ago at my workplace we got one, one of the worst I've heard. Her name is Candace Cannon(not sure if there are two 'n's.) First day, I asked if she would mind if I called her Candy. Seriously, what kind of parents name their daughter like that? Alliteration is the first step to pornstardom.

If you haven't already, maybe you IL folks should cross the border and buy a lottery ticket. The multi-state powerball jackpot is at 340 million dollars, the biggest ever. I honestly don't believe anyone will ever win it. By increasing the range of 5 numbers you choose by 2, they have caused the odds to become catastrophically worse. The math behind that is too intense for me to delve into in this post.

I changed my hairstyle for halloween. Although it was unintentional, it resembles an old hairstyle of CP's. I also took to carving soul gourds(another name for jack o lantern.) They have been turning out pretty cool. Pics of those to follow.

In Andy's absence I have had to download my own digital entertainment. When he came back, he was surprised to find I was doing it, and then surprised I hadn't been doing it before. I replied that with him constantly downloading something while he was home, it was unnecessary for me to do it as well. But I picked it up like a survival skill when he was gone(thanks to sir Hangley for his help.)

The sum of the parts is always less than the whole

I am dying.

It goes something like this; using pseudo-science and witchcraft to dictate my life I use the analogy of certain unnamed scientific theorems to describe my condition.

Yes I also blame this on Florida(you should blame more things on Florida, it is very easy).

I start with a scientific explanation of things and conclude with said theorems parallels to my own life.

When a material is heated and then cooled repeatedly over longer periods of time it becomes more brittle after each cycle. I have always known this as "ruining the temper" specifically in steel. Assuming everyone here knows what tempered or forged steel is we can move on without me embarrassing myself with my lack of chemical makeup knowledge of dense metals.

The point is I was not drinking AT ALL!!! the nearly two months I was in Florida. Now that I have been back for slightly more than two weeks I have been drunk nearly every night.

The second point is that usually steel breaks during the heating up stage(a.k.a. this very personal very fucked up party of one).

The greatest thing is now I can give up any inhibitions I previously held concerning other people, animals or objects in this world as I am going to a better place.

On that note I offer this apology.

Dear Yoomin(I think you are spelling it wrong),

I am sorry to blame all of my life's problems on you. Well half sorry. What I am really sorry about is using all those Trailer Park Boys jokes that nobody understood but me(read my last two entries and watch the fifth season). I stray from the point, but you are not the reason I drink despite what I may have told you. The second half in which I am not sorry about stems from my deep fear of people I have never met coupled with the paranoia that everyone is out to destroy me. The only exception being a couple of my closest family members(who don't use conspiracy to bring me down but out in the open attempts). In blaming all of my life's problems(which are suprizingly few[closer to none]) I laughed for a solid 10-15 minutes when you quickly shut down the conversation. I won't hear of any explanation short of I scared someone off. Please don't prove this untrue as it will surely shatter what is left of my self-esteem(tee-hee).

Stay wicked,
Andy

P.S. The picture is of a very tiny lizard. They are plentiful in Florida ranging in sizes of looks like someone drew on the curb to HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT BIG ASS LIZARD!. Lizards can jump up to 10 times their body length! They jumped like nothing I have ever seen before!

This ain't no rag; it's a flag, and we don't wear it on our heads.

Almost daily I am reminded of how useless you all are since Bran-Bran and I.R.A. are off bettering themselves. The arm wrestling has dwindled down to Meg being the only one man enough to do so, the eating contests have ground to a stop and it is becoming ever more rare that my ass is getting kicked at fighting games. Even drinking has become a lonely activity.

My talents are growing ever stale.


The photo is of a frog who died for no apparent reason where he stood.

Next time I see any one of you consider yourself challenged.

Winds of change...

doomlazer.com has been registered and hosting is being sought out. Soon a site will be designed and we will be waving goodbye to blogspot. Pack your fucking bags. Fuck your packing bags. Fack your pucking.. fuck.

Big Titties

I got a new phone and I couldn't figure out how to change the banner. No matter what I did it would stay "Verizon Wireless". At the end of my string of attempts I changed it to "Big Titties". Still no luck, still stuck with the old crappy banner. Until I show my mom my new phone of course. She opens it and there it is. Big Titties. What a great way to start the day.

Fire Fire Everywhere Not a Drop to Drink or Spare

Listen up bitches, I've been placed in charge of the PR for the awesomest bon fire going down. It's gonna be better than awesome, it'll be awesomer!

Friday: Andy's Grandparent's Place: Evening Time: Most Booze Provided.

I challenge the good Gentleman to a Stir Fry contest - which he will lose! The cooking will be over the bon fire and the judges are all who attend. Make your challenges soon. Frankly, I'd like to see Fire Aikido, myself.

I will be bringing stuff to do other than talking. For those of you who haven't seen Dead Poet Society, this will all be new to you.

Walking Softly but Carrying a Whatz-its

After he chased away them Canadian Geese that strut theirstuff like they're cock of the walk in 38 acres, DUKE chased a coyote into the woods behind North Prairie (Eagle Fuck to Andy - and remember it's voting day tomorrow). Naturally like a mother walrus protecting her young, I ran into those woods to protect my dog. With my ears perked I followed what sounded to be a fencing match with the combatants dancing on twigs and shrubbery.

Parry

Remembering my Teddy Roosevelt (who was a monster), I picked up a big stick. I found the two combatants. In mid-engagement I went to strike the coyote. During the time it took me to raise the big stick something more than the fight revealed itself. I saw the shabby fur of the coyote and the shabby hovel it constructed for itself. As I brought down the big stick I wished that it was not the coyote I targeted, but the socio-economic conditions that produced it.

I missed. I broke up the fight. Tomorrow my dog is going for shots.

We tigers.

I'll break down the last 7 weeks as quickly as possible. I'll admit that the hospital visit has extra emphasis for I am old man there is no joy greater than describing health problems.

1. Florida smells bad.

2. It is impossible to find a good cup of coffee or a clean bathroom.

3. If you don't have health insurance refuse a C/T scan. Those cost more than anything I have ever owned(good thing I can't afford to pay them). I suggest listing Kloboism as your religion when they ask because as of Saturday Kloboists no longer believe in radiation.

4. In the ER they will ask you "On a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain? Ten being the worst you have ever suffered and one being slight discomfort." Just say ten. I said seven as I could think of at least 5 things I have done to myself that hurt more than a mere kidney ache, but it took forever to get treated. They told me to not faint. I got mocked and tested for 6 grand.

5. Florida is littered with the corpses of small animals. I account this to the heavy amounts of pesticides in use. I seen golf course trails and sidewalks closed down for "Insect spraying". Scary no?

6. Think Highland Park with palm trees instead of fir trees. These people live on a swamp and feign luxury.

7. Golf is king! Every place I worked at was homes built on a golf course. To drive through these places it was likely to encounter several golf carts as most were in the middle of a game and the paths overlap the streets. Every house has 3 garage doors: 2 for the cars and a third small garage style door for their golf cart.

8. To get a construction type license is very hard in FL and the code is very strict on very strange things. The utilities are embarrassing and would never pass around here, but the colors and locations of things will fail an inspection. For example every type wiring around here that is illegal is ok, but should those wires be the wrong color and taped to match what they are they will fail. We had to replace a neutral wire(typically white in color) because it was a black wire that we put white electrical tape on to indicate what it was. Yet inappropriate piping, backfed circuits and messy panels will pass.

That's it for now. Later I have some pictures of some frogs that apparently vomited something green and died and muscovy ducks. The ducks are both ugly and protected.

How I miss being inebriated.

The world should have stopped while I was away. For everyone wondering about F-L-O-R-I-D-A (sing it like Van Morrison) you need only know that it smells like piss. There are a handful of interesting things that happened to me in the last seven weeks and I have pictures. Just not now.