He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? I don't think so!

It looks like the time has come. We here at apartmentia have taken enough. Enough bullshit from scumbag neighbors, enough disappearing acts from the landlord(I thought he wanted the rent?), enough stifling hot nights(which i just fixed with a new window a/c unit, perhaps a bad investment now). Honestly I find the idea of moving exciting. But at the same time my laziness makes me wish it didn't have to come to this. Oh well.

I may be a fucking drunk, but you're a lousy low-life who can't do nothing for himself!

My dad turns 45 tomorrow. I think that is the topaz birthday. Maybe that is the topaz anniversary. It is too late at this point because I got him a bucket full of topaz colored stones.

In going through my things in preparation of getting the hell out of Dodge in a couple of days I came to the conclusion that most of my shit is shitty. I don't even want to take all this with me. I think I will leave it for the hobos to pick through(after I make fifty keys for the apt, write the address on them and scatter them around town) and the landlord to clean up the resulting mess.

I severely overloaded one of my boxes and it broke in multiple places when I moved it. Garbage bags is how the modern gentleman moves his belongings.

In 15 minutes I'll be nude at 7-11

I'll start on a happy note. This fricken dip is fricken awesome! Rikuri brouth together the natural elements of delisciousum that when I dip my balls in it and wave them in front of the sliding unreasonable wholesom come and get me crowd that I'm a happy go lucky gut. Thanks Rikuri. Few people realize how your dip, each night as I go home to a hard bowl of fuck, has for years said my name in small matter. The dip becomes me.

Chapter 1

I looked at him while he slept as if he already molested my daughter. Then I took an assesment of his tolertries. Some of these I would need to bring with. The natives found a way to resharpen dull razors, so I packed his rusty old blade. As he most likely dreamt about Gloria's venus, I rummaged about for his passport. He was graying now but his picture showed a head of hair I would sell Gloria for. We were both the same age but you wouldn't have known it by looking at our hair. But then again, he never spent 4 years in a Turkish prison. That's where I first got the idea that he wanted to molest my daughter. If my revolutionary work inspires, it also provokes dispair. I live with a tense relationship between realism and idealism. And for the last two weeks I've lived with a man who wants to molest my daughter, Gloria. But he's as impotent as my idealism. I wonder what he fantasizes about doing with her, then.

Fragmented memories scattered the walls of the Turkish prison.

(The story picks up on from here next week)

I hate to do this, but you're a pain in the neck.

On the radio today the 1999 Miss USA winner said there was(/is, who the hell really cares) 51 contestants in the 2005 pageant. I thought there was only one contestant from each state. Is there a new state I am oblivious to? Is there a wildcard spot for the pageant? Did they finally accept Missouri into the Union?(Even if they did I still refuse to think of Missouri as a state)

Why are so many reporters on NPR named Gretchen?

OH! matchgame, you can take back my door prize porn dvds. I don't want to deal with my parents when my younger brothers get a hold of them.

Why am I so unhappy?

My car radio was stolen, the gas is turned off, cold showers, no cooking, FUCK THIS PLACE.

Should my Friday morning shower be cold, I'm borrowing the old man's truck that night.

This post is a sad goodbye to the Internets. I will see you in a couple of months. Work bringing me to Florida and this shithole becoming no place for neither man nor beast forces me to give up my only outlet to the outside world.

Goodbye everybody, have a happy live, I hope brighter days are ahead for the whole planet.

Amoral dilemma, and other things

I finished my hot shower today just as the WE energies truck pulled up, presumably to shut off the gas but I won't know until later. The national grocers association had tryouts for its bagging competition(bottom article) at my humble store. It's too bad Andy doesn't work with me anymore, I know he could've made it to the finals of the bagging competition in Vegas. Lastly but not leastly, a moral dilemma of sorts has cropped up at work. An employee of our deli recently hurt her knee. I'm not sure if they wouldn't let her go on disability or she just didn't want to, but she continues to go to work. However, she has to sit down when working. The solution they came up with is to make her prepare food in one of our offices. The office doesn't really serve any other purpose anyway. One thing is for certain though, it was never intended for food preparation. I'm sure the health department would agree with me. I want to blow the whistle, because I don't like my place of employeement and I don't agree with what they are doing. However, that may just bring more heat on the crippled old deli worker than it does on the store. Plus I fear for my own job if they find out I was the one who called in a "surprise inspection."

Picnic panic postponed, purported position perilous. Projected postdate..puzzling.

PicNic Panic 2K5 will not take place this saturday. It will be re-scheduled for another date, possibly in August. Unforseen events are cramming the coming weekend and are making it nearly impossible to follow through with my original plans.

Concerns on a classic text.

Myths and Their Meaning by Max(I think, too lazy to look) Herzberg is a very popular book about the mythology of the world with an emphasis on Greek/Roman mythology. Originally a school text, an encyclopedia of sorts, it is the very stripped down description of the most popular stories of ancient mythology. What bothers me is the constant switching between Greek and Roman nomenclature. Initially I thought it was a subtle way of separating the stories of Greek origin from the Roman ones, but I noticed in at least two instances that Jupiter or Jove was dealing with Apollo. My theory on the matter is that my copy(a third printing hard-cover I found in my great-grandmother's attic) was before a certain literary integrity that forces newer copies from such minor foibles that most likely anger "fans" to send hate mail.

This is all unimportant. Oratory tales told long before the common era written down in a language that is neither Greek nor Roman does not deserve such scrutiny. I have no idea why I either noticed or cared. Maybe I shall write the estate of Mr. Herzberg to complain about his inaccurate collections.

Cat and Girl

Potato Bill is no match for the Potato Queen.

In order to stir up some trouble: Many got pissed off(or at the very least thought it was negative) at my post about police. I thought my writing was pro-police. In other words, on their side. The post was in no way sarcastic. I have no idea why everyone thought that the content of my post was anti-police. My hatred of police is not related to the content of the post in any way. I hate road construction workers, but understand why they are there and can imagine what would happen if they weren't. I still hate cops and I won't explain why(you know how to find me if you want to find out).

Also heavy, unnecessary judgment was passed on hogtied. His remark I felt was a sarcastic insult toward me. If you read his blog it is easy to realize that he does not write like comment he left. He came to this site, read the first line of my post and made a sarcastic remark.

In short, fuck you all. My opinions do not change just because they are unpopular.

Fuck the cops, slow and hard.

People on Stilts are always Uppidy

The post about Potato Bill inspired my inner circus. It's nearing the time when all of us should know what we look like as ba1100n caricatures. Leave everything up to me. After I learn all the tricks and trades needed to twist rubber into shapes that amuse children and retarded grown-ups alike, I'll make an -oke out of this. Who else is feeling Carny -Oke?

A combination of two things I follow.

IWW on NPR. It is real streaming audio, which sucks, but I can do no better.

This chaos is killing me

Today I endeavoured(the british spelling?) to find out an answer to a historical question that I'm not sure many people have asked: Who was on the penny before Abraham Lincoln? But before I answer that let me just say that is fun debating issues on boards. I actually love poorly defending a side of an argument I don't even really support. Do you think I actually care about issues beyond those that directly concern me? But that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that the face on the 1 cent piece before Lincoln was a lady liberty head. I guess before we had great leaders to immortalize we had to have mascots. Even though the liberty head on these coins often looked drunk or drowsy or crazy, and the penny used to be as big as a quarter, I have to hand it to the designers of those faces. Anyone can just copy a portrait of a dead man. It takes guts to design a unique face for a coin. The resource I learned this from is the US mint's own web site. Once again a cartoon designed for children turns out to be the most relevant source for historcial information in an internet loaded with crap.

Potato Bill

I've decided to name food that i'm eating after people I know. That's all...there is no more

Lest We Forget

A disconnect has been made. This disconnect is due in part to historical amnesia but also to the sentiment that a person needs to personally and intimately experience something to react in its name. I've railed against individuality mainly for the reason that it denies greater humanity.

Should I only be allowed to vote on a school referendum if I am a parent or property tax payer? (Is this an economic or social issue -- or both?)

Was it wrong for me to tell my liesurely aunt that I disaproved of her joke "Why are we certain that Adam and Eve were white," even though I am not fleshly connected to the punch line? (Again, economic or social)

If I were to stop drinking before hitting rock bottom, does that somehow cheapen the experience of someone who swore off booze after they awoke in a hospital bed? Can I use the past to see where things are headed?

Am I only allowed to care about the environment if I am an environmental biologist?

Isn't there room for objectivity in the cause of the Greater Good? I can make the world a better place by reflecting upon my skills and know-how. There are many shared personal experiences. At lest, there were, before people became persons. Lest we forget Homestead; lest we forget Emmett Till. Both stimulated grassroots movements but both failed (in various degrees) because both movements over stratified.

High-minded tyrannical ravings

The Racine County School Referendum passed, 16,407 to 12,666. This is all I have heard about in the local news at work for the past few weeks. For those that don't live around here and may not know exactly what I am talking about, I will explain the concept of the school referendum. Due to the mismanagement of their funds, the rising cost of (insert something here,) necessary building repairs, or rising teacher salaries, a school finds itself short of funds for the next year. How does it make up for the shortfall? Something has to give. You can't cut teachers' pay, nor should you. Even if you tried, the teachers have a union, and if they get a pay cut, BAM! Strike. No school at all next year. So what do you cut? The answer. You cut the quality of the childrens' education. You cut art, you cut sports(not precious sports!), you cut the AP program, you eliminate driver's ed. Or, you appeal to the taxpayers to help you. And so begins the referendum. Essentially, everyone takes a minor tax hike, and the quality of education remains the same. Usually just the threat of cutting all the aforementioned programs is enough to spur people to vote. At least it was in this case. But it's not that simple. You have the NIMBY crowd, the people who don't have children, the people with fixed income, who ask "Why should I pay to help these schools? I won't see any benefit." How fucked is that? Anyone who says they don't see a benefit from the children of America getting a better education is drastically retarded. How do you think all the doctors, police, businesspeople, and politicians got their start? Who wouldn't want a child to get a better education, when that child could later be performing the surgery on you to save your life? Like the African proverb says, the village raises the child. Society should take responsibilty for it's youth, or quit bitching about how the youth have gone wrong.

Sleeping with someone in a full size bed is better than in my lousy twin

Nothing quite like the comfort of waking up next to someone you love. And who can forget the joy of the slumber party? These past couple of days I've been priviledged to have both feelings. I see the blog has been jumping in my absence. Today I saw a disconnect notice for our natural gas. The Lauer's pay that. Or our landlord does, I forgot who. But for some reason no one has so they, and by extension us, will be disconnected on the 27th. Well that's about all I can think of for now. Oh yeah, and while it isn't as good to sleep with someone in my tiny bed, it is far worse to sleep alone. Good night.

Here is something you cannot understand, how I could just kill a man.

I hate cops. A lot. But at what point do people decide to dehumanize them.

There are several Kenosha cases and almost weekly in Chicago are being denounced for shooting some dickhead. Cops deal with hard shit(with nothing better to describe the situation). This I'm sure, is a hard decision for an officer. Before and after the fact as well. Can you imagine killing someone? And then being expected to explain yourself? If it was unjust(turns out the guy was holding a toy gun) how could you live with that? Do the criminals deserve it? Probably not, but when you are stopped by an officer do you madly start groping under the seat? Do you reach for his pistol? Do you flash an object of any sort? NO, fuck no. This is not a hatred of criminals or sympathizing with officers, but a simple understanding of how people work. A simple sense of self-preservation prevails above almost everyone's common sense. This is also not an excuse for police brutality either, cops have assholes among their ranks just as often as any other profession. A simple plea of "would you handle it any differently?" is all I put forth.

While I hate cops, I understand that they just like everyone else just want to go home after their shift just like anyone else.

Ourselves, Our Legal System

This is the comprehensive guide to surviving a criminal trial. I put it here because I have no faith in your ability to stay on the right side of the law. At any point during this list you start to feel like a failure do not panic. You are right to feel this way, court dates are supposed to be embarrassing. So read, learn and above all don't forget to have fun!

Step 1: Get very drunk the night before. This step is essential, you would fare better to miss the trial than miss this step. I would recommend a 10 hour bender on hard liquor. By no means should this list be completed with a clear head. If you smoke it is a good idea to chainsmoke at this point. If you don't it's an ideal time to start.

Step 2: The next morning eat $8.00 worth of tacos. Taco Bell is the official foodstuffs of criminals everywhere. A proper judge of the correct amount of tacos is the number of tacos required to feed two people.

Step 3: Poorly iron your shirt and pants. It helps if you don't know what the fuck you are doing. Should you know how to iron things I recommend that you fake ignorance. Avoid getting too much taco fillings on your pants lest you feel like you have the time to wash the mark out in the kitchen sink and dry them on a fan in the kitchen.

Step 4: Wear lucky Trailer Park Boys shirt. I'm going for reverse psychology here. Maybe Ricky constantly going to jail will prevent me from the villains(namely all cops and judges) in our legal system.

I'll put the rest of the steps up after I find out what they are as I have not devised them yet.

The conclusion!
Step 5: After a long drive involving 2 large patches of road construction preventing you from your journey to the court house, find a parking spot. The further away the better.

Step 6: Go to the wrong court room in the wrong building. Stumble around here for no less than 15 minutes nervously asking anyone behind a desk where criminals should be. Upon finding the appropriate court room stand in the corner because it's too damned packed to sit. Patiently wait your turn. I was oddly amused at listening to the other cases, you may or may not want to do this as well.

Step 7: Right about now the mixture of the anxiety of being in court, tacos and a bad hang over should be peaking. Get a monstrous headache as the crowd gets thinner and thinner and your name is still not called. At the very end they will ask you who the hell are you and why the fuck are you hanging around there.

Step 8: Find out that there was no record of you to be there because the charges were long ago dismissed, just nobody thought to tell you. Leave the courthouse free and clear.

That's it. Turns out I'm not a criminal after all. Follow my example and you too can also leave the court house satisfied and fulfilled! My judge was a good looking lady. It is a bit of a shame I spent my time in the court room hating her for the mean things I imagined she was going to do to me. I wish I had more tacos. My comrade at work said the boss was worried that I took the day off for another job interview. Little did he know that I was at a felony hearing instead! Best set him straight I guess.

On a different completely legal note I've noticed a couple of sites that are linking to our blog. Out of pure curiosity tell us if you are doing so. Blogger's lack of a search feature is lame, so won't you help a brother out? The reward for this information will be ample if not good.

Another Stolen SE Link

Sign the petition to keep funding public broadcasting.

I am here for to say why things are.

I couldn't find the camera so I requisitioned an artist to draw what I had in mind. I suppose you have to take my word for it that this entire story is true.

On my right hand I have three scars from burning myself with cigarettes when I get bored of cutting my left hand with a razor. I noticed one day that I had inadvertently burned Orion's belt onto my hand. It was said that it would be lame to have a scar and gain no power from it. So now it's the fist of Orion. Fear it for it hates you.

I'll have to look up which three stars make up Orion's belt. I know the star Rigel is the left knee or foot(depending on illustration), so I'll have to get back to you on the belt thing.

From East to West the order of the stars in Orion's belt are: Alnitak, Alnilam and Mintaka.

The dolls sold under the Andy brand name are on offer for £4,000 each for the basic model, with extra charges for adaptations like extra large breasts.

Dracula vs. Batman 2: The analysis

A while back I asked of you all a question: Which would you rather be, batman or dracula? I told you that the answer helped me to figure out some things about your personality. Well, after talking to some of you I have determined just what things I can figure out from it. Here is a summary.
Batman and dracula are similar in many respects. They are both wealthy, powerful, and prefer the night. There are some differences, though. Dracula is usually identified with evil. In fact, all the people who chose batman said one of their reasons was that batman was "good," and dracula was "evil." Many of them said they would want to help people, not hurt them. This leads me to believe that one of the things "batman" type people have in common is a strong sense of right and wrong. Of interesting note, also, is that all of my more atheistic friends chose dracula. The conclusion we can draw from this is that "batman" people are more religious than "dracula" types, or at least most are. The reason most of you chose dracula was for more power and eternal life. You didn't care that the tradeoff was that you became a monster that could not live under the sun. This implies that "dracula" people are more interested in freedom and gratification, without concern for possible drawbacks. So, in conclusion: "Batman" people seem to have a strong sense of morality. They see good in terms of black and white. They believe in justice(even though it is vigilante justice.) "Dracula" people see good in shades of gray. They feel it is perfectly acceptable to prey on the living if it means you continue to exist. They would revel in the thrills that eternal life and shapechanging could provide. I think I spent entirely too much thought on this. I'm sorry for wasting all of your collective time.

My virtue is well past it's curfew.

I woke up too late this morning. I will never know what word 0930 represents.

I'm going to buy a sandwich.

The sandwich was delicious. I'm going to smell like Italian dressing for the remainder of the day, but I'm going to say it was worth it.

perceived self conception

It was about a week ago one morning at Cracker Barrel eating breakfast with my family and Andy. My grandma was talking, which usually consists of what's wrong with her and why she's worse off then you are or how she's probably not going to be around much longer blah blah blah, this went on for a good portion of the meal. After she was done talking about that she starts saying that I'm too quiet and I don't talk enough or something like that (I really don't pay attention when people are talking to me, it's something I gotta work on). This isn't the first time I've heard this. I know of atleast five people that told me that I'm a quiet person. I, on the other hand, totally disagree with them. In my mind I think I talk too much. So I was wondering if any of you heard someone describe something about yourself and you thought the complete opposite.

In other news, my mom is making new curtains for the windows in the living room and kitchen. She was sewing them in the room next to mine and as I walked by she told me, "I just gotta sew one more seem and I'll be all done." Which I replied with, "You say that like I should care." I then started to laugh histerically and continued to the refrigerator to retrieve some juice. Today I drank pink.

When you're sad and when you're lonely, and you haven't got a friend

I simply cannot stop fucking up. I am reasonably confident that everything I ever have or will get I will eventually lose through my own ineptitude/bad luck. I got a ticket for neglecting to card someone. She was at least 20 years old. But she was also a cop and didn't appreciate that I just took her word for it. I continue to make minor mistakes at work, or at least I think I do. I don't know I've made a mistake until I hear about it the next day. I continue to alienate myself from my girlfriend. It turns out I don't know how to relate to women at all. Today at work my favorite song came on. It didn't cheer me up. A co-worker even brought free food for Dan, and out of the goodness of her heart she remembered me(Dan asked her to pick some stuff up for me.) I ate two bites, then threw it away. When I am feeling bad inside I don't eat. Quite the opposite of many people. I've never felt so alone. Here I am in this room I have come to hate, typing out my pain. And for what? The ridicule of Andy? My own satisfaction? Maybe it feels a little better to get these thoughts out of my head and onto the screen. Not much better though. Not at all. Is it wrong to want to die at moments like this? When despair fills everything and you see no way out? Fuck the world, and everything in it. I want a do-over. Hah. Not like I could do any better if I had a second chance. To quote the saddest song I've ever heard, "What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here." The worst part is, this might be the best that I can do. If that is true, someone needs to euthanize me like a broken-down race horse. Good night, and remember: If there is a lesson to be learned in history, then why does it repeat itself?

Like a guillotine on auto-pilot.

My dreams have returned to the oddly mundane. I miss getting stabbed to death, it was actually starting to get entertaining. Back to dreams about quietly working by myself. Allow me to digress to the point.

The guest list for my brother's party I have recently learned shall include a couple of people I would actually care to see. The number of people worth talking to has gained enough weight to make it worth while to put up with those I don't for at least once this year.

I've decided to make a fun and informative game based around tomorrow's experiences. Simple tally sheet(like so many hundreds I have made before) with this criteria:
Occupation:
Health problems mentioned(shudder):
Timeline of job history that would make them 75 or so years older than they are Yes or No:
Graphic sexual innuendo or all-out derogatory remarks:
Racial remarks(including blaming a specific or group of races for a current personal problem):
Drank or did drugs at my parent's house Yes or No:
Shown up drunk and/or on drugs at my parent's house Yes or No:

I maintain that MOST of the people who will be there will not be like this. Just a select group that somehow always finds out about get-togethers like this and has some attraction to me.

Some haggard-ass, fat, drunk, red-faced, cocksucking, bricklaying motherfucker need not tell me about all his health problems, how he did everything from dig ditches to practice law, make some remark about how he fucked his second wife and blame the jews, mexicans, blacks and arabs for all aforementioned problems. All this is just build-up for him to ask me "what are you up to?". It is this hook he will use to steer me straight. How he would have had done this, what I should do, etc. etc.

The crowd I attract....I never.

P.S. I heard from a very discerning voice that Batman was worth watching. It is unlikely that I will see it, but this shouldn't stop you.

THOSE HORRID HURDY-GURDIES!

My brother recently graduated High School and this Saturday will have a party in his honour. While I may not like my brother all that much I am obligated to a point to go there. The real reason I don't want to go doesn't refer to me not wanting to be around my siblings for any length of time, rather I don't want to be around my extended family or their friends at all. I am going to be asked a bunch of questions I don't want to answer, given a bunch of advice I don't want to hear and oh lord my car. Am I ever going to hear about the damned car. Polite society demands I don't tell them all to fuck off even if it is what I will be thinking as I parrot off the same answers and nods in agreement. Why these people want to know so much about me is beyond me.

An unattractive manifold of options awaits.
A)Eat the amount of Valium that could sedate a rabid elephant.
B)Show up extremely hung-over(most likely course of action) so people will steer clear of this hombre.
C)Don't show up at all and take all the grief that comes with explaining why I didn't go. "I don't like those people and avoid them at all costs" never flies that well.
D)Drive around recklessly without a seatbelt and pray for the worst. If I fuck up and don't die, but just end up in the hospital then I have to deal with the cocksuckers bothering me in the hospital.

I hate being told to do things.

There aren't enough curse words.

I am a retail employee, though I do not work for wal-mart(fuck wal-mart). One of the most hated fixtures in my life is the revolving cast of lazy bastards put in place to "manage" myself and my co-workers. Tonight I came across a perfect example of why more people should build pipe bombs in their garages(If they can afford a house with a garage.). As I was reading it I realized that not only should wal-mart be destroyed, everything they have ever done should be burned, buried and pissed on. Every retail manager in this country is going to read this and envy the complete and total disregard for employees lives shown by this move. I'm half convinced that if my managers were smart enough to actually read something outside of a corporate memo, I would see a notice tomorrow stating that this policy will be going into effect in the near future. It's actually pretty likely at my store. The current crew is too stupid to create a working schedule and regularly schedule employees on N/A days and demand that they work or find a replacement. I don't know why I should use my personal time to find a replacement for a shift I'm not responsible for in the first place.. but it happens all too often.

I don't think people are aware that they have every right to be angry about being shit on.

Let's recap, shall we?

Monday- Ira leaves at 0730, ready for the long drive.

Monday- 0745 Kaicho leaves an envelope for Necrophilio/Mr.Black in Necro's mail box, and also in R.Freemans.

Monday- 0845 Kaicho runs into a screeching hault and crawl for 3 hours on I-94 South.... Chicago drivers should all just die.

Monday- 1220 Kaicho enters Iowa

Tuesday- 0054 Kaicho goes to sleep for 3 hours in Colorado... all Nebraskan's please abort life... Nebraska is a waste of space, I repeat: Nebraska sux.

Tuesday- 1230 Kaicho enjoys the scenery of the Colorado mountains... which later leads to the awesome scenery of Utah's "Grand-Canyon-Esque" scenery.

Tuesday- 1620 Kaicho stops in for gas in Beaver, Utah... Was going to go to the Shell station but something told me to go to the Conoco gas instead. As I was fueling up, one of the mechanics just happened to walk by and noticed my tires. Said i should fill one up for free with air since it looked low. I agreed. Upon closer inspection, he noticed there were strange grooves running along all the treads of the tire. I agreed to remove all the air and use a machine to squeeze the tire together to check it for cracks etc.... low and behold I could see and TOUCH the metal belt that ran along the tire. Let me just say: FUCK YOU SATURN OF SANTA MARIA. Tires were manufactured for use in Feb 2002... what the fuck? Saturn took my truck's 2003 tires off and put on shittier ones.. those mother fuckers! Next, we decided to check all my tires... ding ding... they're all winners in the "About to explode and cause a major accident while driving 80mph" game!! The guy (named KC) was extremely respectful and nice and told me he didn't want to spend a bunch of money, but said he'd sell me a set of tires (that he had sitting around and were 100% brand new and it was odd he had my specific size because my tire is unusually wide for it's height). Each tire was 149.95 discounted 50 bucks each. He didn't charge for labor or anything, only the 15 bucks a tire for the calibration and what not. While changing tires, he noticed my rear left passenger shock was totally busted and had been that way for a very long time. Again, FUCK YOUx2 Saturn of stupid fucking santa maria. He found my shock types and sold them to me cheaper than just about any other place would, and only charged 15bucks for later. We got to talking and once they found out I just got home from iraq earlier this year, they were more than friendly and gave me all sorts of advice and tips to help out my truck etc. Seems, as if things fell into place nicely and I walked away with beautiful All Weather Tires (that i wanted to buy eventually) and 2 new rear shocks (because you always change shocks like your socks, 2 at a time) for $904.52. Well... there goes todays paycheck. :) Once again, let me just say... FUCK YOU Saturn of Santa Maria, and It's people like KC of Mountain Mineral Tires in Beaver, Utah that make me glad to see there are decent good-hearted people left in this world.

Tuesday- 1740 My credit card company calls to confirm that my card wasn't stolen and fueling someon elses car across america.

Tuesday- 1810 while driving through Arizona (which was 99 degrees and reminiscent of the grand canyon as well) a massive chunk of rock the size of a Minivan fell from the cliffs above and a car that was about 2 cars ahead, and in the lane to the far right, slammed head on into it. No, i didn't stop... I couldn't... traffic kept going and it was like nothing had even happened... to this moment I can only hope the occupants are ok :(

Tuesday- 2330 In California, stop to fuel up in Barstow and put in the Boom Boom Japan CD that Anzarokku made me... i <3 Manpowa song... Morning Musume is great.

Wednesday- 0115 I stop, after driving about 20hours straight off 3 hours of sleep, on I-246, which was (unknowingly because I was in a dillusionary state of mind) 2minutes from the turnoff toward Vandenberg AFB, to sleep for about 5 hours.

Wednesday- 0330 I awake to hear some woman and her boyfriend fighting.... she kept saying "GET IT OVER WITH!... just fucking kill me already" .. while he would say "Calm down. What is WRONG with you?" ... and she replied "ARE YOU HAPPY? IT'S A FUCKING SCENE NOW?!" ... even though there were about 3 cars and I was one of them while at 3:30am yeah... some scene (-.-) ... then she screamed "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME! DOONNNNN'T FUCKING.. DONNNNNN'T YOU FUUUUUUUCKING..." ... I wanted to laugh... but I was still too tired to care. In fact, I was more worried that they would crash into my truck, and then she said this "I'LL FUCKING HIT THAT TRUCK! I DON'T FUCKING CARE! That's how much I have to lose!! NOTHING!! i have NOTHING TO LOSE RIGHT NOW GREG!" ... and then I learned his name. :) so... Greg got into the driver seat then, and she says "ARE YOU OK!? I'm not getting in unless you fucking can drive!" ... Greg says "I'm fine." she gets in.. they drive off... My poor poor truck must have been a nervous wreck, because I know I was too tired to be.

Wednesday- 0630 I awake a bit early and just decide to finish it up. Bam...

Wednesday- 0641 after going about 80mph for the rest, I get to my base. I win la~

The Italians did it first and better

Today I purchased Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2 on dvd. I did so because I own a shirt that features a zombie from the movie on it, with worms crawling on him and everything(the shirt reads on the front "we are going to eat you.") I also did it to support my passion for zombie movies, some of which are kinda cheesy but I love them all the same. Anyway this movie is my favorite zombie movie now, and I've seen plenty. It beats out Dawn of the Dead, its American counterpart directed by the legendary George A. Romero. I guess I should not be surprised that a foreign zombie film is the best. But enough veiled social commentary. The important thing is that I watched it with Amanda, the most special girl, and someone I love because she is willing to watch zombie movies with me. And because she puts up with me when I talk too much. I.E. right now. Goodbye, and remember that zombies can only be killed with a shot to the head. The head, people!!

I should explain myself better.

One of my bets on the Belmont stakes was in honor of Waukesha, Wisconsin's very own Les Paul turning 90 years old two days previous to the race. I bet on Reverberate because Les Paul invented the "reverb machine"(along with the solid body electric guitar, the multi-track recording machine and a slew of other machines responsible for modern music sounding the way it does). With arthritis in 90% of his fingers he still plays jazz to this day in New York. All of this did absolutely dick to help the horse win; who finished "too far back for anyone to give a shit".

I also made the bet because Jose Santos is an able jockey with a good record.

Not smoking a lot is not going so great. Not a "fiend for nicotine" thing. More like my self is having trouble coping with the lack of stimulants. Today was dragged and dreary. My heart rate has gone down to 62 beats per minute. I cannot remember a time when it was that slow. Each action seems drawn out and time consuming. I didn't even quit, just cut back far below the status quo. Should I quit completely my heart will most likely be reduced to a near catatonic state. This experiment will not end so soon. If anything I am becoming more lazy because of it(I spent 75 minutes today deciding whether it was worth it or not to buy something for dinner today. I eventually folded). I sort of miss doing the only thing I am good at.

This is another good reason to work at the store. Food, whenever I wanted it. With any luck I'll pick up some nice side work* for old ladies this summer. Most older people offer dinner when you do larger jobs at their houses and are insulted if you decline.

*side work refers to illegal skilled labor.

The ghost of corporate future.

It is most likely a coincidence or perhaps only when I am thinking about something does it seem to be the topic of the moment. It is probably in constant discussion, I am probably ignoring it until something strikes me. Anyways, I keep hearing about Nikola Tesla. My gripe is the number of references that describe him as obscure. The man who invented alternating current is obscure. Nobody remembers him doing that? Nobody remembers the one sided feud started by T.A. Edison in which he would electrocute animals with alternating current to prove how dangerous it is(Edison was quite insane in his later years, insulting everyone from Einstein all the way down)? Once described as the man who energized the world has now fallen into obscurity. Maybe people just wish he was obscure. I think Tesla was Serbian.

My foot is fine. I was just a pussy. It didn't rain for long anyways, I'll be working like a scalded cat as usual tomorrow.

I smoke like a Siberian chimney and everyone knows it. I've lately been pretty annoyed at going out of my way to buy cigarettes. Things were better at the store when I would just buy my supplies before I left work. Going out of my way to buy things from stores is bullshit. I'm now only going to smoke out of convenience. This is probably the worst thing I can do heath-wise, but I don't think it's a big deal. I am after all invincible.

I bought some razors. The packaging would have you believe the greatest selling point is the non-slip grip. I'm admittedly clumsy, but I have never in my history of shaving ever dropped a razor or even had one slip in my hand. Is this addressing a fear that does not belong? Should I buy razors that do not have a textured rubber grip am I prone to drop it along with a large piece of my chin?

The past week and a half I have been plagued by nightmares. This is exceptionally strange for me because I rarely remember dreams and when I do they are strangely mundane. Things that are very likely could have happened, did happen, etc. Sometimes I'm too tired to wake up from them, this makes getting knife-murdered all the more excruciating. I know I've told some of you before, but should any of you knife-murder me I will be forced to reconsider our friendship. I say with a disclaimer I have never been murdered in any of my dreams by anyone I know. Most of them are in the strange family-sitcom style that was used in Natural Born Killers. Remember when Rodney Dangerfield was petting his daughter? More and more the dreams are becoming sublucid(I really don't know how to describe them). I am having a fine dream involving me jumping large distances(usually), then I realize how ridiculous this is and that I'm dreaming and I wake up. But I wake up in another dream and get my ass knifed. My adversion to waking up forces me to "stick with it". In my dreams the knife always feels hot, losing blood is always a pain in the ass and death is nothing.

I leave you with this advice, fighting back against your knife-wielding maniac will only make him angry and being stabbed hurts, bad.

Caught my fancy. The "bee's knees" if you will.

Laura Beth Brandt, whom I know nothing about, made a webcomic based on being an American student studying in Russia. Everyone drunk but me is her tale. My only wish was that it was longer. This strip reaffirms my suspicion that good teachers spend the entire lesson "telling stories and baiting arguments".

In perfect retard prose I dropped a cart on my foot today, missing the steel toe, falling behind the plate. It wrenched my foot pretty good. It is raining now and I hope it doesn't bother to stop until 1pm or so tomorrow. My books on health knowledge prove themselves useless right now.

One more thing. I have a work leash now. A small device that ensures that anyone can find me at any time. Ambiguity was nice, but now this had to happen. I asked if I could charge it at the shop, but the boss told me to always carry it and gave me the charger to do so at home. Even though you all know this much, I'm not telling you the number. I prefer not to get any calls and will ignore any number I don't recognize(sorry Ryan, I barely know our house number). Should you find out the number it better damned well be related to work. If it isn't, I'll do my best to make you regret ever calling me.

The pants I wore today are too big for me.

The only language harder than Cantonese to learn(for English speaking people)is Finnish

Seems I was holding a wrench, mama, then my mind just walked away...

matchgame and his damnable NPR has me listening to the radio early Sunday morning. A piece about puzzles emerges. To hell with this. Most of the word puzzles were easy to solve, but the hardest one was last. Described like this; "If the numbers 590 (five nine zero) represent the word 'finite' phonetically what word do the numbers 0930 (zero nine three zero) represent?" "To make it easy", they say "only two words in the English language share this distinction." I should spend my day off worrying about important things, but instead I'll worry about this.

Fuck you, matchgame.

Phonetically: Representing the sounds of speech with a set of distinct symbols, each designating a single sound: phonetic spelling.

AUDIOSCROBBLER

I know this is beating a dead hooke..horse.. horse.. that's it.. but if you listen to music on your computer at all, you should sign up for audioscrobbler and join the group. It's a free service that requires a one time registration, generates no spam and has several easy to install plugins. Our group statistics will be published every week. It's also a good source for finding artists you might otherwise never hear about. That is all.

Oh lordy how I wish, mama, you could keep the baby quiet 'cause my head is killing me.

Afleet Alex won Belmont by about 20(7 according to NPR) horse lengths. Fucking nags. The jock was a relatively young guy. Huge accomplishment for him. I'm not smart enough to spend money on tangible things. I lost every bet I made.

Fucking liberal media.

I heard a program on the radio about playing marbles on NPR(fuck you matchgame). It reminded me of my uncle Mitch, professional lumberjack, former marble champ.

6/7ths of my mother's siblings(including herself) all went to the same small school for the entirety of their academic career(my mom was in a graduating class of 7 kids). I digress, marbles were very popular at the time and the kids played for keeps. Mitch never owned any marbles so he would borrow them when someone was foolish enough to challenge him. After he won the game he would return the borrowed marbles, then take all the marbles he had won and throw them across the road into the weeds.

I really like my uncle. He keeps to himself, is unapproachable, disappears easily, hates people who ask too many questions and knows at least one Brittany Spears song.

A different topic!
Since the loss of steven black you have lost a musical reviewer. I'll gladly pick up those reins.
Mindless Self indulgence: I know they are old and most have already heard of them, but they are in the certain indie cred category where you cannot talk about them. Don't keep them a secret. I think they need all the publicity they can get.

Hard to describe, sometimes very hardcore, sometimes very electronic, always hilarious. I was converted by Two Hookers and an Eight Ball, the live version. "Always, always, always talk about drugs in your songs. Whether you do them or not, the kids love it."

The Arcade Fire, the album Funeral: Essential for indie cred. Strangely frantic, but extremely well done. cp will agree with me here.

Manitoba: I have a hard time describing bands I like. On a scale of awesome to supra-awesome they score a 8.

One Ring Zero: Electronic, eclectic, electric a solid 7 on the scale.

Animal Collective: Again essential for indie cred with good reason. Bizarre screeches and howls brought together to make songs.

Rilo Kiley: Frontlady Jenny Lewis is also(usually) the girl in the Postal Service's songs. I never thought such mean spirited music could sound so cute. Think Emmy Lou Harris if she swore a lot and stole husbands.

+/-: Just damned good.

The rest are cp recommendations that really hooked me.
Dntel: An electronic master with the saddest music in the world.

Tegan and Sara: Nothing like some Canadian indie-pop.

Telepopusik: Amazing to say the least.

ZAO: Hardcore metal at it's very finest. The self-titled album is the best.

I'll neglect Rasputina, Architecture in Helsinki, Ragina Spektor and a couple others on my playlist because you have already been informed of them or I have forced you to see them live.

Eternity! Give or take a couple of years.

I've never seen a night so long,
When time goes crawling by.

SON OF A BITCH! Today is taking forever. As did yesterday. What the hell is going on? Tonight has been the worst. What the hell am I waiting for? Why is it not coming. What is with all this anxious waiting? The next thing I do is work on Monday. Am I waiting for that? Fuck! I don't think so.

Youth is wasted on the young(or forced on them). Anxiety must be wasted on the anxious.

Doom doom doom doom

I bought Amanda Invader Zim, Vol. 1 for her birthday. We watched it together recently. Oh man, I forgot how funny that show is! It comes from Jhonen Vasquez, the genius behind two of my favorite comic/graphic novel thingies: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee. The show also features the creative of stylings of such big names as Roman Dirge. Just like Ren&Stimpy before it, it is a cartoon that just seems too demented to be on Nickelodeon. I really love cartoons that are supposedly "for kids" but are packed with humor that adults can appreciate. Kids are dumb anyway. I doubt they even appreciate some of the hilariousness of their own fucking cartoon shows.

Update! Update! Read all about it.

I, from this point, commit myself to at LEAST one post per week. I choose Friday morning as a time frame for my designated minimum. Due to a unanimous lack of participation with the theme voting, the current theme will remain until summer's end. I started this post with a point but have forgotten it. If you would like a link on the main page, please submit it to myself, Andy or Hangley Joe for addition to the links menu. This can be any link you would like. ANY LINK YOU WOULD LIKE. On a related note, there is now a doomlazer group on audioscrobbler. Feel free to join and pass the link to any friend you may have that listens to music on their computer.

My self-congratulatory party

Everyone privy to this blog is hearby invited to my graduation party this Sunday at 1:00. If you don't want to come, I don't blame you, but you're invited anyway. Deal with it. There will be typical picnic-type food aplenty along with wine coolers and the like. I had to clean my room, the bathroom, and the silver for this, so someone had better show up...somebody? Anybody? Alright, see you there maybe. If you are interested, ask Mr. Hangley for the address. I don't want to put my delicate information up onto the internets. Good night.

Nick Vito has 3 horses in the Belmont Stakes.

My picks, in order, are:
#11 Checkov ridden by G. Stevens
#4 Southern Africa ridden by J. Court
#8 Reverberate ridden by J. Santos

I'll be going with mother to the dog track for some simulcast gambling to get rich quick. I plan on retiring a millionaire and buying better friends. So long assholes! Tell the boss I'm not coming in on Monday!

MRSX of blogger fame, is going to send me something from the transcendental state that is California. Strange goods from a far off and foreign land. This must be what spice traders felt like. I am going to make a killing on the black market.

I have a new episode of TPB to watch.

Diary of a Mad Cynic: A Cure for the Treatment

The pharmaceutical industry invented AIDS. Take me seriously here. The first 40 people infected were so under the guise of getting a Small Pox vacine in central Africa. Why Africa? Because central Africa still had Small Pox. The perfect humanitarian nightmare cover-up. Sometimes a shower isn't really a shower, either.
AIDS is a synthetic virus. Like everything man-made, including man but excluding styroform (excuse the non gender-neutral language) nature has a cure. The cure is the simplest structure, sugar. I do not mean Glucose. There are 8 forms of the simplest sugar. This sugar links the AIDS viruses and allows for them to be pissed out of the body. But this sugar is a mere $125 per pound. The money is in designing an expensive knock-off. The pharmacuetical industry is a talisman juggarnaut.
This is the same industry that brought you cocain elixers and anti-depressants. The latter is a case of first inventing the treatment and then having to give the population a reason to believe they have a disease. Look at when the symptoms of being unbalanced and in need of, say, Ritalin, first came about: after the treatments had been invented! Supply side economics at its sleaziest. Psychaitrists willingly went along with the scheme.
This is usually the part where I thump Marxism or syndicalism. I'll only say that I gave you a consciousness of what's going on. Now if you decide that your ignorance should turn to complacency, you're part of the treatment. I have a sweet-tooth for the cure.

Don't fool yourself.

This is an artist's rendition of a former accident of mine.

The Boss-man had a recent run in with an electric drill and this made my co-worker Blandon remember my self-shooting.

It was funny then and is funny now. I was nailing the top plate to the studs to make interior walls 2 winters ago when the framing nailer shot through the top plate, missed the stud and went through my left index finger. I said "Oh No!" and my dad(we were both working on Jeff's house at the time) said "WHAT!". He was ready for me to explain how something was wrong/fucked up/I fucked up(which I did). I showed him my hand with a nail running through a finger. Jeff's wife freaked out, but my dad pulled a pair of pliers from his pouches and twisted the nail. He was just making sure it wasn't in my finger bone, but it hurt like nothing I have ever felt before. And I have a long history of hurting myself.

"Can you feel this?" he asked.

"Hell yes! Just pull it out!" was my response.

He did and an uninteresting visit to the doctor that resulted in x-rays and antibiotics followed.

The boss made a comment about how I don't have to hurt myself to get out early, but he was a liar. At that job I got out on time or sooner only a half dozen times or fewer. One time I dropped a tire machine on my leg and had to go home early. Another time I smashed my face with a flatbar and had to go for sutures. All the rest he was pissed off at me and sent me home to be a dick. I quit when he sent me home early Wednesday and said not to come in the rest of the week. When I came in Monday I told him to fuck himself and I announced my two weeks. I didn't need to give any notice and it eventually turned into 4 weeks. I couldn't leave him hanging.

Even though he was a giant prick to work for and I hold the record for longest employment under him(he still has no one), Jeff is the greatest plumber in Illinois. I took 3 years of his shit, but I sometimes miss the job. I hate him, but I respect his knowledge. I can honestly say nobody is better.

Four forever, two together.

A minor error by the boss-folk keeps me here today. Will be here, all day, drunk and stupid.

Dear god, I believe in you. Believe in me, and make it come true. And I hope it happens sometime real soon.

Quelling cowboy candidates with copious, complex and quality quandaries.

Ever hate something everyone else in the world seems to love? It's sad to listen to disgusting ramifications as to why everyone should like it. Let me use the example of any musician or band from the 60's. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of a lot of 60's music. Hell, we'll even use an example I happen to love. Finish the sentence "I hate Bob Dylan because...". Personally I hate him because he doesn't seem to care anymore. BUT say this in front of a room full of fans and expect more defense on Bob's side than he actually deserves. Who gives a damn if he was "groundbreaking" or "defied convention"? Is the quest of uniqueness so important that you can only listen to things that redefine, reestablish, or a plethora of other re- words? What matters more is if you feel it is good and worth listening to. I fully understood what I was up against when I once said "Tom Waits can suck me off" only to receive a room full of dirty looks and eerie silence. I do hate Tom Waits. A poet he may be, a musician he will never be. I also blame him for the "poor recording quality" trend that some artists follow. Does it sound like it was recorded on a small tape recorder in a tin shed during a hail storm? Good, the kids love that shit.

Defy convention yourself and hate something you have always been uneasy about but feel you need the cred in agreeing with the mass majority.

A short list of things I hate that everyone else loves, but cannot convince me.

Star Wars:Every goddamn one of them
Nine Inch Nails
Tom Waits(mentioned above)
Lindsey Lohan(I'll be damned if I can find out why anyone likes a crappy singer/actress that has been in 5 or so horrible movies)
Television programs that aren't cartoons, Bushcraft or Trailer Park boys(I admit this bias)
Lapplanders(I hate that there is so few of them)

I'll think of more later. This seems short for my standards.

I thought of some more.
My Chemical Romance(generic)
Social Distortion(Shitty garage band)

Defend these shit bands, I dare you. I will ignore every single defense for any aforementioned person/band/work.

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE:
There is a chance Rilo Kiley will open for Coldplay when they tour our area. Fuck Coldplay, but I won't fuck up ticket purchases this time around should anyone want to see Rilo Kiley. I know I do.

Spamguard is OFF!

Today I embark on a 3 day roadtrip to Minnesota, one of the objectives of said trip being the Spam museum in Austin, MN. We will also be visiting the Mall of America and, god willing, some thrift stores too. Anything that makes me think of you guys I will buy to bring back for you. Also, we will be recording the trip for posterity and if it turns out to be any good I'll share that with y'all as well. Until then, try not to lose any hands/feet/eyes while I'm gone.

With broken legs and arms in slings...

Son of a bitch, nothing of great importance to report I leave you with this. GJ bought me the Pimlico Encyclopedia of Western Gunfighters and I must say it is one of the most hilarious and entertaining books I have ever read. An excerpt from the entry on John Barclay "McNelly's Bulldog" Armstrong:

August 23rd, 1877, Pensacola, Florida.
Again attracted by a large reward, Armstrong began to comb the Gulf states in search of John Wesley Hardin, the West's most dangerous killer. Following a lengthy investigation, Armstrong located Hardin, and when the fugitive's train pulled into Pensacola the ranger(who held no legal authority in Florida) was waiting with a hastily gathered posse.

Limping and using a cane, because he had recently shot himself in the leg, Armstrong eased into Hardin's coach, drew his long-barreled .45, and ordered Hardin and his companions to surrender. Hardin gasped, "Texas, by God!" and went for his own pistol, but the hammer caught in his suspenders. Sitting beside Hardin, however, was 19-year old Jim Mann, who produced a six-gun and shot a hole in Armstrong's hat. The ranger coolly drilled the young man through the chest. Mann leaped out the window, staggered several steps, then fell dead.

Hardin kicked Armstrong backward, but the lawman pistol-whipped the fugitive into unconsciousness. Armstrong then arrested Hardin's other three companions, and within a short time the party was on a train headed to Texas.

D.L. Anderson vs. Arthur McCluskie is perhaps the most horrible gunfight I have ever heard of. It's way too damned long to type here.

Gmail Invites.

Get them here, plenty to go around. If you want to see how the interface works and decide afterward, message myself, Anzarokku, Andy, or Hangley Joe for the password to the doomlazer.oke account. If you like the setup, send yourself an invite from the input box on the left of the main account page. Non-doomlazer personnel are welcome to request an invite by emailing doomlazer.oke@gmail.com

The greatest thing I have ever seen live/I fucked up big time.

Architecture in Helsinki is the band to see live. 8 people competing for stage space while constantly switching instruments to play complex songs with a guy trying his best to control this menagerie of sound from the booth behind us. It was a great experience to see how they managed to play these songs live. I was actually quite skeptical as to if they could pull it off. They did, with flying fucking carpets. There was also a guy there who looked like Trevor from TPB. I felt the crowd was surprisingly diverse. I expected a room full of people in full hipster uniform. This was not the case. I seen a guy wearing a track suit there and various other anomalies that defied my expectations. This bias review was brought to you by a bias fan. It's very possible most people hate listening to things like this and they sucked doing it live. I rate it as the best thing I've ever seen live(and I've seen Bowie, twice). It also may be the way I see shows. I starved myself of AIH for about a month before the show. It was off the playlist, I didn't listen to them in my car, nothing.

To reiterate the title, I fucked up big time. I bought 6 tickets for 7 people to see the show. Anyone with a 1st grader's knowledge of arithmetic knows that this will not work. Matchgame without hesitation took the bullet of not seeing the show. cp then took the option of also missing the show to hang with matchgame. They say they had a good time fucking around Chicago getting drunk, but I still felt bad. A indie band from Australia doesn't hit the states that often. A missed opportunity and I caused it. THEN the last song AIH played was a Roxy Music cover and I felt really horrible that matchgame was missing out. I'm known for fucking up, but it rarely involves my friends. I fuck my own shit up plenty and I shrug it off easily. When it involves other people is what I do my damnedest to avoid. Why in the hell was I convinced only 6 tickets needed to be purchased? Remedial math for Andy.

Don't go dragging your name, through the mud and the rain.

Waste Expansion

To celebrate the new start, we're having a dance off to decide the permanent theme.. Okay we're going to vote. Each of you will be given four points to distribute in any way you would like. You can put one point each on four themes, all four points on one theme, two points on two themes, three points on one theme and keep the extra for yourself... knock yourselves out. Send your votes to doomlazer.oke@gmail.com where they will be tallied. The winner will be announced via armed assassins.

Possible Themes (click for a sample blog in the selected theme)


































If you have not recieved your invite, send a message to myself, andy, anzarokku or hangley joe.

A simple enough question

I've been asking this question for a while now of people that I meet. It helps me to get a feel for their personality, plus it's like an ice-breaker type thing. You know how those are, like "what's your favorite beatle?" Anyway, I will now ask all of you. If you had to choose, which would you rather be: batman or dracula? And why?

I've got that joy joy joy joy down in my heart....WHERE?

Computer trouble forced me to miss the coming-out party for the new blog! :^( But I'm back now(muchos gracias cp,) and better than ever! I got me a girlfriend, a real one this time! And boy is she a beauty! I'll have to jack andy's camera and show y'all(those who haven't already met her.) And my vacation from work starts on the 5th. And I'm going on a roadtrip to Minnesota to see the mall of America with my new girl, the love of my life, and it's just awesome! And we get a new kitty(if our theft goes unnoticed!) And I love parentheses(But they are annoying to read!) And I bought two vintage Atari 7800 game systems from a garage sale too! SUPER FUN WOW!!

...You are not the car you drive, you are not your fucking khakis...

The world is beautiful. I bought and installed a carburetor in my Lincoln and the bastard runs like a Swiss watch once again. Holley really knows how to make a quality product. Installed without any hitches in record time. Only needed one adjustment when I was finished. Goddamn this makes me happy. Nothing like a legal vehicle that runs properly. Just in time for the weekend. Time for some binge drinking and an Architecture in Helsinki concert.

Ph34r the homosexual. Hotlinked so wear oven mitts. On SE as well. Well worth the watch, it's important to learn about the homosexuals that are lurking around ready to rape and kill you given the opportunity. Old jokes in cartoons "Did anyone get the number on that truck?" make a lot more sense now. The fifties were fucked up.

I act like this to fit into a non-conformist subculture.

Animals have issues. Can you imagine shedding? I actually cannot. Every spring the insane need arrives to rub your entire body on any damned thing on the planet just to relieve the horrible itching caused by losing an undercoat of hair for a moment or two. I guess it's the same for molting and shedding skin(like snakes asshole) or shells.

To better understand the animal kingdom I intend on stripping naked and running down to the lakefront. I plan on getting as close as possible to nature. Afterwards I'll get to see all my friends in the drunk tank for screaming drunk disorderly naked at the lakefront. Sounds like a promising night. Tell my boss that I won't be in, I'm naked and drunk in the drunk tank.

An old "Old Style" mantra "Preserve Wildlife, throw a party".

What is a suburban failure?

I heard the term, but I don't quite understand it.

Loud noise and distruption.

I put a bunch of exhaust related parts on my Lincoln and it sounds basically the same. I should have left the parts with all the holes in them on the car to pass emissions easier. Oh well. It's hell to work under that car, I had to jack up the rear bumper so high that the front bumper almost touched the ground. Also I did it at my parent's house so goddamned Tip kept taking shit and walking away with it. Some dogs need to be beaten until they are broken. I think Tip is a good candidate for this therapy.

I wish to thank the gods of wind for pneumatic tools, the patron saint of hands for keeping me from smashing mine all to hell, the R.J.Reynolds Tobacco Co. for Camel cigarettes and the old guy in CarQuest who helped me cheat the system. He helped me save money by eliminating a bunch of useless garbage that is "supposed" to be replaced along with the other shit and bending some pipe for me instead.

I would also like to thank cp for the Bushcraft I am about to watch as I fall asleep.